I was watching Meet the Press a few weeks ago. Maria Shriver was discussing her book, The Shriver Report: A Women’s Nation Changes Everything. I think I have been living in a bubble. Every time I hear reports about how more women are in the workplace than ever before, I can only recall three friends who had moms that didn’t work. They were all friends from elementary school when we lived in California. Their moms were military wives.
I believe all of my friends from high school had working parents. Out of my close friends from high school and college, all of our moms worked all of our lives. Both of my grandmothers and great-grandmothers worked. My mother in-law worked. The women in the neighborhood worked. In addition to working outside of the home, they had full responsibility for their homes and care of the children. As a matter of fact, this became a topic of conversation in an interview with Pavo Magazine .
Disclaimer for those friends from the distant past: When my father was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel, my mother hired a housekeeper who visited us twice a week. However, we had to have the house cleaned up before she got there so she didn’t think we were “nasty.”
The issue of equal pay for equal work is another story. My maternal grandmother left Tuskegee for Chicago because African American educators were paid a lot more in the Midwest. The options for women beyond, housekeeper, teacher, nurse were limited for the women in my circles. They wanted our generation to have more options.
I LOVE Maria Shriver. I am glad she is bringing this issue to light. I am not making a judgment, just an observation. I look forward to reading the book. However, I think the stats reflect a group of women that are not within my immediate world.
What do you think?
If you live in Alabama, you generally have to choose an affiliation. Upon meeting someone new, an Alabamian usually asks where you go to church and soon after you must divulge whether or not you are an Alabama or Auburn fan. Even if you have never set foot on either campus or your funds went to Tuskegee, Birmingham-Southern or UAB, you generally have to choose. Now don’t get , me wrong. The SWAC (Southwestern Athletic Conference) is well represented in Alabama. There are few undercoverACC fans running around. However, Alabama-Auburn culture is dominant.
Give a shout out to your favorite team.
Larry Langford, former Mayor of Birmingham, has been found guilty on all counts of bribery. I don’t know Larry Langford personally, but the tremble in his voice and the comments by his wife got to me today. I can’t imagine the thought of going to jail for 804 years . So what kind of deal did the guys get who testified against him? During his race for mayor, it was difficult to keep up with the facts. In politics, does one ever know the true facts?
Whatever happens, our city is going to suffer. No matter how one feels about Langford, he is an idea man. Our growth has stagnated in recent years. I hope for a city council and a mayor that can work together. I pray for our city. I pray for our county. I pray for our country.
Saw a woman trip in Five Points South this morning. Many people in a national coffee chain sat there and continued to read their papers and drink coffee. I was sitting in a window seat having breakfast in a locally owned restaurant. I ran outside. When I returned to my seat, some people commented that it was nice of me to go out there. Others commented that they wondered why I flew out of the restaurant. Am I still in Birmingham? Aren’t we southern?
I had flash backs of being in larger urban centers and having something similar happen to me. People walked right over me and seemed irritated that I was in their way. I always said, that one of the many things I like about the south is the neighborly attitude. Though sometimes it is annoying to have people in your business, when something happens to you, it doesn’t go unnoticed. Have things changed? Though Birmingham is a mid-size industrial city, we still had small town values at one point.
There were a few other people who stopped. Just for those Birmingham stereotypers, our concerned group was multicultural. At first glance the helpers included a black female, white male, a woman with a dark complexion and jet black hair who looked like a mix of a number of ethnic groups and a white woman. The Southside is probably one of the most diverse areas of town.
Has indifference set in? Why weren’t others concerned?
Reading Pennie of Pennedepie reminds me of the last dog that we owned–Kahn Chow Wu. He was a beautiful Lhasa Apso that we bought in Novato, California. He was the most active of his brothers and sisters. I liked how he jumped on the couch and dove to the floor. I had to have him.
He was a beautiful mix of blonds and browns. It is funny, I see a lot of women who have had their hair dyed the same color. As a cousin to the Shitzu, Lhasa’s tend to have lots of hair. However, if groomed properly, they are not supposed to shed.
The information book we bought about Lhasa’s said that they were lion dogs that guarded the Tibetan temples. Kahn had to have the name of a ruler. Of course we Anglicized the spelling.
He was the best dog. He knew when we were sick. He could detect people who meant harm to us. In his final days, Kahn suffered from conditions that you see in older human beings. We had to let him go. My mom still has a shrine to Kahn in her house. We miss you Kahn.
Went to a 
For years, after I was on my own, I was ready to grow out my relaxer. I started the journey when I was about 22. I could not find a beautician who would “do” my hair if I grew out the perm. The lore of hair breaking off or having hair “this long” (requires a snap of the finger as you say, this long) or other God awful things that would happen if you tried to get rid of your perm kept me in misery for another 15 years.
I kept seeing this guy from the band Tekneek with a different ‘do every other week. I finally asked, “Who does your hair?” He mentioned Shawn. I said, “I must meet her.” I stopped by the shop. I had hair that was extended almost down to my elbow at the time. I asked, “Can you help me grow out my relaxer?” She said, “Yes.” She said that she would flat iron it until the perm grew out and then we would try different things. Finding a natural hair dresser reminded me of the California state motto, “Eureka, I have found it!” It was a reference to the gold rush.
I visited her every few months so that she could condition my hair and trim the relaxed hair. This took place over a year or so. She saw me through the deaths of three grandparents and a best friend. She styled my hair for video shoots and still photos. Eventually we tried the two strand twists.
However, I was still in search of a way to wear my hair loose and curly. Then there was Denise.
Also see Summer Scalp Burning Hair Burning Ritual.
When I visited the grandmothers in Alabama and Chicago, I always had to go through the grueling process of getting a relaxer. My mom said it was because of the weather. I could tolerate the occasional straightening comb haze when we had a special occasion, but I hated getting a relaxer. My mom said it was because of the summer humidity in Chi-town and Birmingham. I knew better. It was because her family would judge her as a bad mother if she allowed me to run around with my hair nappy.
This seemed to become a family project when I moved to Birmingham. Each great aunt attempted to control the naps whether through their own devices or their latest hair dresser. However, no perm, even today could every completely straighten my hair. Every hairdresser swore that my relaxers were not put in properly. Even after a year long commitment with one, the curls would reappear after the first washing. Sorry Charlie.
Up to the ’90’s, one of my cousins just threw up her hands and said, “Bettina just never cared anything about hair.” Thank God. The torture was finally over.
Chris Rock’s upcoming movie, Good Hair, has caused a public debate of a concept that has been discussed within the African American community for generations. My friends outside of the community are surprised at the expense that African American women go through to manage their hair–particularly to straighten and lengthen their hair. Each time a star such as Beyonce or Serena Williams come out with a new look, the debates resurface. I am asking friends to share their hair stories.
See my initial story The Scalp Burning Hair Burning Ritual.
We spent Columbus Day furniture shopping for our son. After looking on-line and thinking how ridiculous the prices were in a well known furniture store. I thought, “Let’s go to Sears. That is where I got my furniture set.”
I had been sharing a bedroom with my brother for as long as I can remember. Each time we moved– Ft. Devans, Manhatten Kansas to Hamilton Air Force Base–I roomed with my brother. We had bunk beds. For some reason after my maternal grandmother’s visit, I started sleeping in the guest room. I guess I was 8 or 9. One year, perhaps it was Christmas, my grandparents collaborated to buy my first bedroom set. It was a beautiful canopy bed. The furniture was white wood trimmed in gold. The linens included a mint green sheer spread with matching canopy.
I couldn’t believe it. My own bedroom set. I felt like Cinderella. No more sleep overs in the living room, my friends could sleep in my room. No more dingy brown, orange, and green tough skin spreads. No more twin beds. I am sure my brother was excited too. He was trying to get rid of my for years. What adolescent boy wanted to continue to share a room with his sister? To celebrate the occasion, my friends and I danced to Hotline by the Sylvers in MY ROOM!
I am looking forward to Chris Rock’s documentary, Good Hair. It is a topic of daily conversation for a number of people within the African American community, but I am not sure I have seen a feature film about it. I have mentioned in previous posts that I am approached by women everyday who tell me they wish that they could go natural, but they don’t have “good hair.” From the trailer, it sounds like Rock’s documentary focuses on perms, weaves, and extensions. It appears that fatherhood has made Rock look at society’s messages to his daughter about beauty and perhaps his roll in perpetuating these images.
The trailer features a number of stars who tell secrets including their hair suppliers–Indian women. The trailer even shows Rock in India interviewing women. He features a chemist who shares the dangers of chemicals that are used in the lucrative relaxer industry. I am trying to get as many women with natural, nappy, or store bought hair to watch the movie and then converse about the film.
Do you have any fun facts to share about African American women and our hair?
I barely slept last night. I got up early to wash my hair in order to try to get my son to school by 7:00 a.m. That didn’t happen. My son woke up while I was leaning over the tub. He decided he wanted to “help” wash my hair so he climbed onto my back as I washed, conditioned, rinsed and detangled my hair. Today was a special day at school so it involved orchestrating a number of things that are out of the ordinary before we got there and once we were on sight.
After I dropped him off, I headed to the office for a few hours only to have to turn around and take him to a medical appointment. While waiting for the clinician, a child decided to attack him. He began to push him and eventually pushed him against the wall. I had to stand between them wondering where in the world his parents were. It happened a second time. Finally, we were called by our clinician. What I thought would be an hour ended up being two.
I kept dreading the blogathon. I didn’t feel like putting on makeup or writing to help someone else when I was completely drained. Of course not just because of the events of the day, but events that started last Friday including the visit to seven shoe stores on Monday to find fall shoes for my son.
I had not been blogging all week like I had planned. I had writers block. I was just going to turn around and go home when Malena Cunningham sent a second text asking was I on my way. When I got to the station, a tow truck decided to park in the middle of the NBC 13 driveway. Was this a sign to just go home?
When I got to the studio I went to the bathroom and put on some makeup. I dragged myself into the conference room. To my delight, it was a room full of energetic bloggers and volunteers. The beautiful view of Birmingham from atop Red Mountain has always had soothing qualities for me. Although I had sworn off sweets, I devoured a white chocolate macadamia nut cookies and washed it down with bottled water. I was armed and ready!
As I was trying to figure out the lay of the land, I heard some of the staff and volunteers telling their stories. I had forgotten that Malena and I had become friends through our work with the YWCA. I wasn’t just a blogger, I was someone who had worked with women who had lost everything.
I was reminded of a support group that I had run on a temporary basis for an organization that works with domestic violence survivors. It consisted of women who had fled their homes with their children without money and only the clothes on their backs. They lived in fear everyday. They weren’t free to complain about their bad day because of visits to multiple shoe stores. They had been living day by day.
Many of these women were survivors of domestic violence. Sometimes they shared their stories. Sometimes they didn’t. They were attempting to rebuild their self esteem, careers and a sense of normalcy. Domestic violence took away their freedom. Had it not been for places like Pathway and the YW, both beneficiaries of funds from the Voices Against Violence Initiative, they would not have a safe place to sleep or to care for their children.
I couldn’t believe that 5:00 p.m. had come. Then suddenly it was 5:30 p.m. It was time to pick up my son. But there were two more people I needed to interview. I had gone from writers block, to trying to fit in all the things I want to say.
I know that there are alot of worthy causes out there. This one is a matter of life or death for many people. Please visit http://thewomensfundbham.org to donate.
You never know what life may bring to you. I have never had the opportunity to chat with Tahiera Brown, author of Annihilator of Innocence, but we are friends on Facebook. I had seen her in the NBC 13 studio during the Women’s Fund blogathon but she was being interviewed by the professionals so I didn’t get a chance to speak with her. I was feverishly trying to complete a blogpost so I could pick up my son and there she was sitting next to me. She sat down for a few minutes and shared an amazing story of survival and renewal.
BB-G: Why are you participating in the Voices Against Violence Initiative?
TB: I am here to support the Blogathon hoping that our presence will be able to help victims of violence–domestic, teen…other types of violence. We need to work on several issues surrounding violence. I thought it was a privilege to be asked.
BB-G: What would you like the blogsaphere to know?
TB: As a domestic violence survivor, it was very difficult for me when I was trying to figure out how to survive. There were limited organizations to help us. I want to send a message to those who are being victimized that there are resources available to them.
BB-G: How will the Blogathon help?
TB: I believe the Blogathon will help: 1) To educate the public. With public awareness, more people will become involved. 2) To raise funds to help organizations such as the police department, the YWCA, therapists, and many others.
BB-G: How did you break the silence about your victimization?
TB: I wrote a book. With that book, I travel around the country speaking on issues surrounding domestic violence. Originally, I was afraid. I was speaking as a victim. I needed to overcome it to help survivors. I made myself available to the public and shared my story. That is the only time I gave a voice to my situation and all the causes related to domestic violence.
BB-G: I had an opportunity to read excerpts from Annihilator of Innocence. My husband bought a copy of the book for me when you spoke to the Vulcan Kiwanis Club. I was captivated and horrified that you were victimized in your home as a child and as a married woman. I encourage everyone to read the book. With limited time and space, what would you like to leave with the general public?
TB: My line of survival is, “I was once a victim. I am now a survivor. “ When you make that choice of words, life is not always easy, but you can overcome any obstacle that comes along in your life.
Click here to donate to Voices Against Violence.
Hi blogasphere. I am sitting here with Robin Adams Hall, Laura Lee, and Meg McGlamery with the Voices Against Violence program here in Birmingham. Before being whisked away for a live television interview on NBC 13, they had a few words to share with us. Like a true circle, each of them formulated and articulated the comments below.
What is the Voices Against Violence Initiative?
It is a Women’s Fund initiative to raise funds and awareness about domestic violence in our community. Many or most of the supporters are lawyers. It is a giving circle. With that money, we work with organizations such as Coordinated Community Response (CCR), Pathways, Rape Response Program and other stakeholder in the fight against domestic violence. They identify areas that need to be addressed in the legal system. They find gaps or loopholes that need to be addressed.
Why should people in the community give to VAV?
This in an innovative program that is working with organizations and systems that are already in place. They are just fixing and improving them.
“We are seeing immediate results. Because of the VAV initiative, we have created lines of communication between organizations. We work with court systems, police departments and stakeholders by building on each other’s strengths.”
We are all affected by domestic violence. Most of us know someone whose life has been impacted tremendously by domestic violence in one way or another. As community members we need to be responsible to each other by raising awareness to address this crisis.
Click here to give and for more information.
I just caught Cameron Vowell as she was walking out of the NBC 13 studio. She is involved in a number of programs on behalf of women. I wanted to know why she was giving her time today.
BB-G: Why are you participating in the Blogathon?
CV: I am 62 years old and have no idea about what this is about. I have tweeted and posted on Facebook for the first time ever. This is so exciting. It is allowing the Women’s Fund to reach people we have never reached before.
BB-G: You are involved with a number of community initiatives. Why are you committing time to the Women’s Fund?
CV: The Women’s fund is about “brains.” It brings the brightest female minds in the city together to solve problems.
BB-G: Why should someone donate to the Voices Against Violence program?
CV: The VAV program represents a creative in-depth effort to improve the systems in the county for dealing with domestic violence. It is not constrained by any government or regulations. It brings everyone together to highlight problems and figure out solutions.
BB-G Any last words before you go?
CV: Please participate. This is very exciting. This is a new model for communication and fundraising.
Click here for information and to donate.
Since WordCamp Birmingham, I learned that blogging actually has redeeming qualities. People are blogging for social justice purposes. I am participating in a Blogathon to raise money for the Women’s Fund of Birmingham’s domestic violence initiatives. NBC-13 has dedicated space and air time for us to get a message out to you about. Please spread the word and give a donation. Visit their site at http://thewomensfundbham.org.
I heard this guy recite this piece live at PAVO’s launch party. Now he is featured in the mag. I think we were hanging out in the same places in the ’80’s either physcially or in our minds. He takes us on a journey through ’80’s Birmingham through his music collection and encoungers. Check out Duran Duran Buttons.
A blog-a-thon benefittign the Women’s Fund began on October 1st. Bloggers,Ttweeters, Facebookers and other new media junkies have been asked to blog to raise awareness about domestic violence and to raise funds to advocate for survivors of domestic violence. How can you get involved?
1) Commit to a tweet, status update a day or blog post October 1 – 15?
2) Join us in the studio on October 7th for the first ever multimedia Blog-a-thon with NBC-13 on Wednesday October 7th.
For more information visit the Women’s Fund at http://www.thewomensfundbham.org.
PAVO Magazine published part 2 of the first volume of, “Women in the Magic City.” The writer, Opal South, is trying to define feminism in the south. She explores feminism through conversations with women from different backgrounds including age, race, and class. She is surprised that two women who had been referred to her didn’t necessarily identify themselves as such. I happen to be one of the women. Let me know what you think.
Click here for PAVO.
If you build it, they will come. NOT! We frequently build programs that we think are great or offer products that are “no brainers”. Why wouldn’t everyone rush out to buy the product? You have even offered discounts or free items, but the fish just aren’t biting. Join The Byrds Nest, LLC for a workshop on attracting culturally and ethnically diverse customers, participants, and/or patrons. This workshop is designed for marketing coordinators, program coordinators, event planners, and outreach coordinators. Bettina Byrd-Giles will be the facilitator.
Date: November 10, 2009 9 a.m. – 11 a.m. Cost: $ 25.00
Click here to register.
This workshop is intended for the unemployed, underemployed and the person who has been laid off.
Date: October 18, 2009 Time: 3 p.m- 4:30 p.m. Location: Birmingham International Center (1728 5th Avenue North, Birmingham, AL 35205)
Fee: Donation or barter a service worth at least $ 25.00 Register at http://reengineeringyourcareer.eventbrite.com/
The Women’s Fund of Birmingham is sponsoring a first of its kind multimedia blogathon in conjunction with NBC-13. They are asking anyone who blogs, tweets, or utilizes other forms of social media to join in the live event on October 7, 2009 and assist in spreading the word starting on October 1, 2009. Click here for details.
As some of you know, I am an interculturalist. Interculturalists facilitate interactions across cultures. We also conduct assessments to determine the culture of organizations. I believe Matt compared WordCamp or WordPress to an Amish Barn Raising. Since he made an ethno-religious comparison, I wanted to further analyze WordCamp.
Why? I have been trying to describe WordCamp to friends and colleagues who aren’t bloggers. For that matter, people who use other programs are in the dark too. I need your help with some qualitative research. How would you describe WordCamp?
Here is some of the language I plan to use in the socio-religio-cultural analysis of WordCamp.
The Religion/Philosophy/Worldview: Blog. Need I say more?
Denomination: WordPress
The Guru: Matt Mullenweg
The Deacons: WordCamp Organizers
The Congregation: Techs, Marketing Specialists, Journalists, common everyday person
The Evangilists: WordPress Masters
The Ritual Space: WordCamp Birmingham
The Doctrine: ?
Exerpt:
On last weekend, over 150 people converged on Birmingham for WordCamp. It is hard for me to describe WordCamp. However, WordCamp is a meeting of users of WordPress where they share best practices and innovative approaches to maximizing the web. WordPress users who frequently communicate from a distance meet to problem also have a chance to solve problems in person. During WordPress founder, Matt Row…’ presentation, he compared WordCamp as an “Amish Barn Raising.” It is truly a meeting of the minds and blogs in a collaborative environment.
The Congregation
So who attends WordCamp? There are several prototypes that you may encounter such as the ‘over the top’ tech geek that reminds you of a character from the misfits of science or the slick metrosexual advertising exec. There might be a weekend techy who likes to tinker with web technology in her spare time. There was the business woman who depended upon her blog for sales. I chatted with the journalist who is excited not to be bound by print media made herself known. You also had people who were just entering the blogasphere for personal, social or countless other reasons. Overall, it was a group of bloggers who were converging to share in a cultural phenomenon known as WordPress.
Another favorite moment at WordCamp Birmingham was when a woman found out that we had run out of coffee so she decided to eat a cupcake instead. Strawberry cupcakes from Urban Standard are da bomb. Need I say more? What was your favorite #WCBHM09 moment?
Favorite WordCamp Birmingham Moment 2: There was this really neat guy who was in one of our breakout sessions. At the end of the session, I asked where he was from. When he said San Francisco I said, “Oh, so you travel from state to state attending WC’s”. I started my whole southern hospitality bit of telling about the city, where to go, etc. He was wonderful. It wasn’t until Andre mentioned to me that the CEO of WordCamp, Matt Mullenweg, was hanging out with us that I realized who he was.
Still recovering from WordCamp Birmingham today. Despite the fact that most of the presenters were speaking in jargon and techspeak, even in Track I, I had a great time. Three of my friends dragged me into the blogasphere last year so I thought that WordCamp could help me to continue to improve. There were several highlights. I will probably have to put them in several posts as they come to me–I am still shell shocked.
Favorite WordCamp Birmingham moment #1 Enthusiastic bloggers and social media junkies were willing to share information and didn’t seem offended by the blank look on my face.
Join Bettina Byrd-Giles in a workshop targeted to individuals who have been laid off, are unemployed or underemployed. It is based upon a forthcoming book on non-traditional career paths and steps to finding what you are meant to do with your life. There is no set fee for the workshop, however, monetary donations based upon your ability or bartering services is requested. If you have a skill or service that you would like to donate, please contact me directly at thebyrdsnestllc@bellsouth.net. Types of skills one might barter in exchange for this workshop: research (literature searches mainly),editing, writing, cooking,music,art, facepainting for pre-schoolers, personal training…
Date: October 18, 2009 Time: 3 p.m- 4:30 p.m. Location: Birmingham International Center (1728 5th Avenue North, Birmingham, AL 35205) Fee: Donation or barter a service worth at least $ 25.00 Register at http://reengineeringyourcareer.eventbrite.com/
Click here for relevant information on career development.
Check out Pennie of Pennedepie. It is a beautiful tale about a dog that found a home with two Americans who were residing in France. The author, Susan McWilliams, retired from University administration and assisted her husband with research for a forthcoming book. Instead of the traditional travelogue, Susan chronicles part her sojourn from the perspective of Pennie. Pennie even code switches from time to time forgetting that she is addressing mostly English speakers. Click here for more information.
A new electronic magazine in Birmingham is looking at the Magic City from a fresh set of eyes. The first issue “An Exploration of Birmingham Over Space and Time” highlights several people and spaces. One section features Birmingham women of note. Volume I is a timely interview with Cameron Vowel. See http://www.pavomag.com/story/women-magic-city-volume-1.
A CBS news article reveals that South African runner, Caster Semenya, is a hermaphrodite. According to the article, she has no womb nor ovaries. They also reported that her testosterone level is higher than most women. This case interested me from the beginning. It is going to be part of discussions how sex and gender roles are defined. I look forward to hearing more about Caster’s life prior to her ascent to world champion.
As usual, CBS Sunday Morning had an interesting array of stories. I found today’s show to be particularly innovative. The show included story lines in celebration of their 30th anniversary. Instead of a traditional recap of stories from the last 30 years, they focused on topics related to 3o year celebrations and how people spend their Sundays. They covered subjects ranging from church activities, to football to the Sunday Blues. Click here for a recap.
I will discuss the “30 Something” segment in another post.
My son decided to redecorate the house again. He found my bridal file which is an ivory vinyl box with the words “bride f
ile” printed in gold metallic. He pulled out all the cards that recorded who was invited andtheir gifts. I was finally making progress with house cleaning only to have him dump everything out on the floor. As “we” were cleaning up the mess, I began to read the names on some of the note cards. Many of them were names of loved ones who are no longer with us. There were also couples who have uncoupled and singles who are now couples. Sometimes finding memories from 20 years ago really puts life into perspective.
In ”Live from the Hook“, I talk about the fact that I stayed clear of the Rugby Road fraternity and drinking scenes. I think walking through pools of vomit and waking up to strangers using the urinals on our floor had something to do with it. I lived in the old dorms where even the women’s bathrooms had urinals, so hung over guys sometimes thought they were on the men’s floor. Community Building and UVA focused on the UVA student experience beyond the mainstream. This post continues the conversation.
Creative students and the adminstration provided vehicles for many of us to develop diverse interests and activities that have had lifelong applications. Student organization leadership is still relevant more than 20 years later including being a floor representative to First Year Council and getting a friend on the ballot for the Judiciary Committee. The student government seemed to have unlimited funds that they dished out to student organizations. I don’t remember ever being turned down for funds. Presiding over the Japanese Club and Asian studies committees combined learning the art of proposal writing, academics, personal interest.
The entertainment committees provided diverse events. There were a million speakers. I met Spike Lee, Juan Williams, Maya Angelou, the guy who wrote Biko… The original movie the Manchurian Candidate was featured when it was re-released. The classic films at the Psyche building across the street from the old dorms were a must see. Road tripping to the Asian Art Museum in D.C. and viewing all kinds of galactic phenomena at the UVA observatory are still vivid memories.
And yes, I danced and stood in line for step shows in Newcomb Ballroom and the Student Activities Building (SAB) with the Kappas, Alphas, Deltas and even NSBE. I will always remember the underground hip hop parties at Faulkner put on by the Sigmas. These same groups held formals at mansions in Albermarle County and in the mountains near Monticello.
Some experiences cannot be categorized. Somehow when some of the victims of the Armenian earthquake were flown to Charlottesville, I was indirectly involved through classmates who were in OT school. My roommate was part of an internship that started the Fridays after five on the downtown mall. I attended the Virginia Film festival at an independent theater on the downtown mall which showed Spike Lee’s student film. I witnessed antiapartheid demonstrations.
So despite the reputation of UVA and its party scene, there were plenty of other things to do. Oh yeah and the academics were pretty neat too.
I have been sending out messages and polling people as to why Senator Kennedy’s death and funeral are getting so much media attention. Was it his name? Was it the legislation that he sponsored? Was it his length of time in office? Both my husband and mother were rattling off all of the legislation he sponsored and his benevolence and wondering why in the world I would question the importance of such a person.
I just caught the end of his burial at Arlington National Cemetery. Someone was reading a letter that he wrote, a confessional of sort of how he lived his life. I had no idea how his religion truly shaped his policies. I often tease about the challenges of being a non-Catholic at a Catholic school. However, the commitment to the poor and disenfranchised will always stay with me. Ted Kennedy’s ceremony reminds me of the activism that John Carroll instilled in many of us. We had to commit about 40 hours of service to graduate. I ended up spending 20 hours per week several summers as a volunteer.
Click here to learn more about his legacy.
Instead of picking up trash from the side of the road or something like that, I hope that Chris Brown’s sentence includes therapy–not a one day two hour seminar–but long-term work to help with issues that stem from his background. I also hope the sentence includes reaching other young people who may or may not have role models for healthy relationships and behaviors. He is young and has the chance to reverse a cycle of violence.
If you are experiencing domestic violence or if you want to volunteer for an organization committed to addressing the issue, the YWCA, has been working tirelessly in our communities.
When I was of age to vote, my grandfathers and several elders in the family called to ask when I was registering to vote. It was a rite of passage. Though not famous for activism, the elders taught me never to take voting for granted. It was a right that had been fought for. It was a privilege that had been short lived. Our generation was not to take it for granted.
I usually vote at as soon as the polls open. For several years, Granddaddy called early in the morning so we could discuss who we were voting for. Yesterday, I felt guilty for voting for City Council and the School Board after 3:00 p.m. Yesterday’s results revealed a low voter turnout. What prevents people from exercising their right to vote?
Click here for election results.
At the 20 year reunion, I had a conversation with someone regarding whether he would have chosen to attend another, smaller undergraduate institution. We discussed how people who were not rich, not affiliated with the Greek system, not Protestant or not mainstream American fit into the landscape of UVA. He had expressed similar issues of marginality that many African American, even the ones who were wealthy and protestant faced.
Our UVA experiences were five years apart. I shared with him that in terms of building community and trying to create a small college feel at a sizable institution, UVa pulls out all the stops. Community building begins with dorm life (now called residence halls) to academic clusters beginning with the first year. Of course there were bumps along the road, but as a student and now with 18 years of university administration under my belt, I think UVA has worked to capture all of its populations. From first year seminars, to residential colleges, and special houses, UVA has tried to provide the same college experience for everyone. Now my perspective may or may not be shared by everyone. I happened to get involved with efforts to try to improve the experience of the atypical UVA student.
Many of the characteristics that I listed above may or may not be true of UVA today. I have to admit that by having a sister that is 15 years younger and attending reunions, I got to see many of the changes that were a direct result of strategies put in place in the late ’80’s. By the time she graduated, she commented that she thought UVA was a magical place. Now of course UVA isn’t perfect.
When I return to reunions and listen to the experiences of classmates, I realize I did not participate in many of the mainstream activities. I really didn’t even participate within the mainstream of my ethnic group. At the time that I was a student at UVA, it seemed ultraconservative and despite a 60% out of state population, celebrations of the old south were common. I had lived in the south for six years by the time I attended UVA, but I had never seen a slave plantation. The whole idea of Monticello and living close to and maybe even on top of a slave graveyard was sometimes distracting. However, I found a niche that continues to influence my life more than 20 years later.
So what makes UVA magical for some of us who don’t participate in the traditional or even stereotypical UVA experiences? To be continued…
I got a call a few weeks ago from a friend who left a message saying, “I am just calling to say hello.” I immediately knew something was wrong. Like many of my college friends, we seldom speak during the day and the calls usually take place on the cell phone. It was a call that I had received on several occassions over the last few months. Another layoff. The companies that they had dedicated their lives to let them go. Some of them are getting outplacement services, some of them aren’t. Almost all of them are taking the time to re-evaluate what they want to do with their lives.
The UVa alumni association forwarded a timely post to our LinkedIn group. A former Lehmen Brothers exec shares his success story on the blog Laid Off and Looking from the Wall Street Journal. I am starting a Re-engineer Your Career (RYC) group in Birmingham for the unemployed or underemployed that have been out of college for at least 10 years. If you are interested, please let me know via email to bbyrdgiles@yahoo.com.
I had the best time at the UVA Club of Birmingham first year send off party. This year marks the 21st annual send off party at the home of one of our alumni. For the last 21 years, we have gathered at his home to meet the new class of UVA students representing Birmingham. Over the years I have attended with different people. My mom went with me when I was still in college. My husband accompanied me for a few years and then I started going by myself. This year, I was accompanied by yet another incarnation of “Uh’s.”
All of us attended UVA at different times. I am from Birmingham. The other ”Uh’s” moved to Birmingham for work or as trailing spouses. We are all in different professions. We are a an interculturalist, a neuropsychologist, an attorney and a coach. We are women whose names end with “a.”
The UVA Birmingham “Uh’s” had so much fun that we plan to meet again for Sushi.
Someone forwarded this post to our alumni group on LinkedIn. Because of budget cuts, more and more companies are conducting phone interviews. The following blog outlines some of the do’s and don’ts. See “Don’t Say Hello in a Phone Interview” at Interview Angel, Inc.
Surin West is not only a great meeting place, it is somewhat of a South Asian and Southeast Asian cultural center. It attracts staff and patrons from different parts of the world. The music, the atmosphere, and the food make for an hour long journey to Thailand. For more on this story, see Surin West Cultural Center.
So one of my friends asked, where should we meet for lunch? Why Surin of course. When I used to say that, unless you lived in Atlanta, there was only one location– Surin West on 11th Avenue South… For the full post, see Surin West: A Staple of Birmingham’s Southside.
Lately, I have been getting a lot of announcements regarding hip hop music and spoken word events in Birmingham. There are several cafes and night clubs that are hosting events. Malcolm’s Reading Room is holding events. The Birmingham Museum of Art has even gotten into the game. So when one thinks of the Birmingham Hip Hop Scene, what comes to mind? For the full post, go to the Birmingham Hip Hop Scene.
I was inspired by Eunice Kenndey Shriver’s story. Few people find their life’s passion. They just live day to day wondering why they are here. If you can take the time to think about what you would do paid or not, what would it be. Not everyone sets out to start a massive movement, they just start with an issue that surrounds them everyday. Sometimes this leads to a care? What is your life’s passion?
On yesterday, I was trying to avoid stores that had “super” or “big” in them. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find what I needed and was pressed for time, so I decided to pull into the Big K-Mart on Greensprings. As I approached a certain area of the store, I thought “Man, I miss Spats.” I never knew what happened to it. Spats closed and K-Mart moved in.
Do you remember Spats? During its heyday, I was under 21 so I truly went there for the food. I usually had a Shirley Temple or non-alcholic strawberry daiquiri. It was the place to be for my best friend in high school and me. We usually stopped by Spats after athletic events and even the Debutant’s ball. No, we weren’t Debs, but we sure did love the theme parties.
Eventually, my husband and I started meeting there while we were dating. I guess it is a sign of age when everywhere you turn, you stop and think, “I remember what used to be there.” Please share your memories of Spats.
Say it isn’t so. John Hughes can’t be gone. What would my life have been like without Molly Ringwald and the Brat Pack? I play the Psychedelic Furs’ Pretty in Pink theme song and other tunes from the movie on a regular basis. I LOVE Sixteen Candles. Thank you John Hughes for your contributions to my high school social life, the ’80’s and to film. I am going to order John Hughes movies and call my best friend from high school right now. What are you going to do?
Check out the complete story on Yahoo News.
Someone interviewed me recently regarding how I became active in the community. I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t. Between my parents’ Greek organizations (Delta Sigma Theta and Kappa Alpha Psi) and the Girl Scouts, I was always involved with something. I ran for and held offices in school. I learned how much I enjoyed the behind the scenes work when I was a PAC (political action committee) chair for a candidate at UVA.
I continued to get involved with politics on a local and national scale. One of the most memorable activities was working with MTV’s Rock the Vote. In exchange for registering voters, I received free tickets to see U2 and Run DMC at Legion Field. I passed out Rock the Vote material, registered voters and saw one of the best concerts of my life. This happened to be around the same time that Bill Clinton played the sax on Arsenio Hall.
I got involved with Obamamania despite the fact that I had not planned to vote for Obama. One of my former students, Chris Mosely, has been a barometer for me. He is heavily involved in the political process and sent daily emails about Obama. I will at least listen to candidates he is supporting. When I went to get tickets to see the presidential hopeful, I ended up volunteering. His Birmingham volunteer coordinator, Alex whose last name escapes me, was persuasive. I grilled him about why he was supporting Obama beyond the Harvard connection.
Some Birmngham-Southern students and some of my students at UA convinced me to continue to volunteer for getting out the vote and hosting parties in my home that were part of a campaign change America. My husband kept giving me updates on primary results. I finally relented and committed to Obama.
I am excited that Birmingham community organizations are offering opportunities to meet candidates running locally and statewide. I know several of the candidates, but whether or not I am going to donate money or work on their behalf remains to be seen. I have been contacted about donating funds to unproven candidates without knowing what their plans are. Only a few candidates responded to my request for information. Sheila Smoot sent an email with great information. Mericka Coleman’s staff sent a video. Earl Hilliard, Jr. and Iva Williams spoke with me via phone or in person. I also attended a few events one official and one unofficial regarding Congressman Artur Davis’ run for Governor.
I realize people have to raise money, but can you give a sista some information before you ask for a donation? Am I wrong? Who are you supporting and why? If you are a candidate, why should I support you?
I am Bettina Byrd-Giles and I approve this message.
I find it interesting that three of the closet friends that I made in college and I all have names ending in “a”. I used to refer to our group as the “Uh” club since the “a” is pronounced, “uh” as in banana (bə-nān’ə) . After meeting orientation week in 1985, we have remained in touch for 24 years. There are two friends in particular that I see on a regular basis.
When I received an inquiry from a national woman’s magazine asking for examples of ways that women maintain relationships with college friends, I immediately sent an account of how the “a” club kept in touch.
After graduation , we attempted to see each other on an annual or bi-annual basis. Despite the distance, we managed to remain in touch. One of us lived in New York City most of her career. The other was in grad school in California before moving to central New York . I have lived in Birmingham for 20 years. Here is a copy of what I sent to the magazine.
1) S and I attended our Black Alumni Reunion on a bi-annual basis for a number of years. We also met in Charlottesvill for our 5 & 10 year class reunions. S, D, and I roomed together for our 15 year reunion. We were also joined by another friend “C” who lived in our dorm. Hopefully, we will all meet this summer for the 20th. All of us are in our 40’s with children under 5 so it should be interesting. C has older children and a child under 5.
2) S and/or D and I used to try to meet in Atlanta regularly. Usually they were on official business. Atlanta is only a few hours from Birmingham so it was always convenient for me to get to.
3) S & D traveled together from time to time. They would usually send me a post card.
4) Weddings were also a good means of connecting. I was in both of their weddings. S attended mine.
5) Baby showers have been another means of connecting. D attended the Hip Hop shower in Birmingham (see Hip & Funky Baby Showers). S attended D’s and perhaps D attended S’s.
6) Illness has also brought us together. One of us had an illness that lasted several months. The three of us reunited for a weekend of support.
7) D was in charge of a national conference and invited me to speak several years ago. It was a great excuse to visit and work.
S and I met at Disney World with our nearly two year old boys. That was the first time they had met and that we had met each other’s sons.
9) Throughout the years C has also managed to meet us for a day or so. She married first and started having children right away so we didn’t see her often. Due to various circumstances, we have tried to connect more. C & D communicate quite frequently.
We continue to keep in touch via telephone. We are also trying out best to get to the 20 year reunion. And guess what, I have established another “Uh” club with four friends with names ending in “a.” I must write about “Uh’s” the next generation.
How do you keep in touch with old friends?
Last night an exchange student from Spain was observing my toddler. He was dominating a beach ball and a soccer ball while three other children were attempting to play with them too. He kept taking the beach ball, which we didn’t own by the way, and running around a partition then throwing the ball from the opposite side. He also discovered large garbage cans that could be used as hoops. The Spanish ex-patriate asked for our surname so that he could say that he knew my son when he was young. He is convinced he is a rising star.
So how does the dilemma for mom is to continue to encourage his talent, but do I let him dominate and run things when playing with other children? It took my husband and me to get him to sit down to eat dinner.
Since I am from the ’80’s generation, meaning I was in high school and college in the ’80’s, most of my college experience was face to face and via LAN lines. In working with a generation that registers on-line, communicates mainly through electronics or cell phone definetly sets up a barrier between us. My graduate school experience somewhat coincided with the electronic age, but it is nothing in comparison to now. So the fact that a person may attend a university and never see parts of it shouldn’t surprise me.
My RA suggested that I take a career course my second semester in college. It was 2.0 hours so it fit nicely into my schedule. So what is involved in a career center? Though people are still associating career centers with finding a job, I thought that I had communicated that it is preparing one for a career. A job search is the end result, but there are a lot of things that go into finding a job.
I had a conversation yesterday with a young friend about the fact that the UAB career center provided resources and helped me write my personal statement for a Ph.d program. I had actually found the program, reserched the field I was going into and visited the campus that I was interested in all as a result of the career center. It is easy to research information on-line, but it sure is great to have the support of a live person who is getting to know you. There were books, guides and a person to review my materials before I sent them to graduat admissions.
Now I actually never made it to my destination. In part three of an unpublished book, I talk about selling out for a retirement. I ended up delaying grad school to invest an additional 2.5 years into the state retirement system and ended up staying about 10. Anyway, grad school is part of career development, so career centers are equipped to assist in that area as well.
So why do you need a career center when you have faculty, an academic advisor, etc? In my perfect world, all of these entities work together. It doesn’t always happen. Faculty are well aware of opportunities in their fields and the career track that they took from undergrad to grad school. You need them for resources, recommendations, etc. I keep in touch with one faculty member from undergrad and a few from grad school even now. Your academic advisor makes sure you have met all the criteria for graduation.
All of us are human. All of us are busy. Not all adivsors and faculty are well connected to resources on campus. The amount of courses they are expected to teach or the number of students that they advise may not allow them to get to other parts of campus especially at large institutions. Some entry level career planners are not well versed yet on all career development materials.
I can only speak for UVA, UAB and Alabama. They employ great career counselors. I have had them speak to students in my classes or used their services myself. However, as I mentioned in a previous post, sometimes you may end up with a person who isn’t knowledgeable, but I would try to meet with someone else. I had a great relationship at all three institutions with counselors who worked with students in the liberal arts. I served on panels and advised students at their request. However, they can only work with someone who is willing to put in the labor that they require.
Write down the names of all the people you have encountered through work and school. By work, I mean volunteer and paid work. Were there professsors with whom you communicated more than via your papers? How about advisers from student activities?
Find classmates. Many of my students at UAB were local. They still reside in the city so it is easy to find one another. For international and out of state students, the internet has become key to keeping in touch.
In response to former students asking similar questions and advice, I created a Facebook group. The group helps students that have worked with me over the last 18 years keep up with me and each other. They keep me posted on their lives and I keep them posted on mine. When they contact me for references for grad school or jobs, I don’t have to stop and think, “Now, who is Jane Doe?”
What can you do to strengthen your network?
Visited a winery in Harpersville, AL which was host to a Japanese festival. The weather was beautiful considering it was in July. Check out http://theinterculturalpost.blogspot.com/2009/07/harpersville-winery-host-to-japanese.html.
I have been spending more time than I would like visiting friends and family in the hospital. Despite my diverse network of friends, all of the patients happen to be African American women. Some of the issues have been related to heart disease. Are you at risk? I don’t mind visiting friends in the hospital. But, I thought it might be helpful to share prevention information.
Visit Women Heart for more information.
In college, my three closest friends that I met first year have names ending in ”a.” I have developed another “a” foursome. We attend cultural and artistic activities together or we just try to meet for dinner. We even watched the season opener for The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. On occasion, we include a friend or two whose names don’t end in an “a” but we love them too.
Tips for those friends who are trying to get motivated to get to the gym:
If you have never been to the gym or you are trying to get back in shape, consider a low impact class. I can’t tell you how many people attend the high impact, high energy classes on their first day at the gym. My friends who attend Turbokick or spin with me tend to get discouraged and never return. I have suggested to the YMCA over the years that they have a rating system for the classes. It seems that most of the teachers teach to the most fit person in the class.
The water aerobics classes are a great start. They work for pregnant women and people with injuries. They are also great for people with larger bodies. When my pregnant body had gotten to the point that my knees started hitting my stomach in spin, I had to switch to water aerobics. It is a great workout. I attend water aerobics during the summer since I have to miss kickboxing to take my son to swimming lessons.
One of the best instructors at the Downtown Y is a woman named Connie. I suggest you look for her name on the schedule. She teaches a variety of classes. She is motivating and works you out really hard. However, she is masterful at teaching to different levels.
Most of the Yoga classes at the gym are what I call, “gym Yoga”. The classes are focused on the physical and not as meditative at the Y. Don’t get me wrong, there are some GREAT teachers at the Y. However, the schedule and the atmosphere are different from when you are practicing at a Yoga studio. Even some of the beginner classes at the Y are challenging for individuals who aren’t already in shape. Make sure you ask for an instructor who is gentle. When I was a Yoga snob, I wouldn’t be caught dead in their classes. Now that I am working through injuries, they are my new best friends.
My advice is to try a variety of classes. Don’t give up. It takes awhile to get into a rhythm.
Also see Life by the Design: The Walk
I had the best time on Friday night at the basketball tournament. Basketball legends from the Birmingham area reunited to raise 
money for Birmingham youth. I had to figure out why watching players from almost 25 years ago was exciting.
President Barack Obama mentions in his book, Dreams of My Father, that his father gave him a basketball when he was young. He believes his love of basketball is directly related to one of the few interactions he had with his dad. My love of basketball also started with my dad and was reinforced by my uncle.
Basketball was one of many sports that my father watched on TV. The TV was always on sports or news at our house. It was hard to believe we didn’t have cable stations like ESPN and CNN in the ’70’s. Dad played tennis, racquetball, handball and golf so basketball, football, soccer, hockey, racing, swimming, ice skating and even bass fishing were sports that we watched. Of course we watched golf and Arthur Ash too. I loved watching Dr. J and Tiny Archibald.
When I visited Alabama in the summers or during the holidays, my Uncle Ray was always practicing, attending basketball camp, or playing in leagues. The trip to the Indian Springs basketball camp down Hwy 31 seemed endless. I can’t remember whether I-65 had been completed at that time.
Eventually we moved to Birmingham. By then, my uncle was in high school. I was in the seventh grade. I guess you can do the math. He is only five years older than me and one year older than my big brother. Basketball games, which were quite frequent, dominated our lives. Everything was planned around Ray’s games.
For some reason, Ramsay v. Holy Family sticks in my mind as the first time I recall seeing a live, regular season game. It was so exciting. My grandmother was out of control. She yelled and screamed above everyone. I mimicked her.
I knew most of the cheers since my cousin Shawn was a cheerleader. Shawn was like my big sister. I used to spend part of my summers following her to cheerleading and majorette practice. She tried her best to prepare me to follow in her footsteps, but it just wasn’t my destiny. I would show support through band and pep squad.
Ramsay v. Woodlawn sticks in my mind too. I had four cousins–the Browns– who went to Woodlawn. I don’t remember the score, but it was a GREAT game.
Within a square mile, there were several basketball stars including my uncle and Tony Greer who played for Homewood. My grandparents’ house was the hang out. Ray’s friends treated me like I was their niece too. They took me everywhere. I rode motorcycles, go-carts and followed them to Holiday skating rink on Soul Night. They were very protective of me.
Eventually I joined my uncle, brother and cousin. I took The Test (entrance exam) and got into Ramsay. My best friend, Dierdre, also got in. Ramsay didn’t have a football team, so we all waited for basketball season. My uncle had graduated, but several of his teammates were still playing. I attended the “B” team and varsity games.
The “B” team included players like Charlie “Pearl” Abrams, Darryl Washington, Ed Gaston, Martinez (his last name escapes me), Sebastian Goldman…We made up all kinds of cheers.
On last Friday, I had the time of my life. It is difficult to articulate how much seeing my uncle, his former teammates and some of the guys that were in school with me together on one court. Basketball in the ’80’s was more than a pastime. It was communal. It was familial.
Artwork by Kurtis Patterson, Ramsay ‘80. 
Two recent encounters and selecting childcare for my son made me think of the educational opportunities I was given as a child. I was investigating the Waldorf tradition and Montessori schools. I wondered what tradition the Sunshine Mushroom School in Manhattan, Kansas practiced. The Sunshine Mushroom school was one of the nursery schools I attended as a child. I LOVED it. I still remember things that we learned and how we learned them. Our days were free and open. We raised chickens, learned to tye dye and panned for gold. We learned math by counting eggs and other items around the house.
I had to leave the Sunshine Mushroom School to enter Kindergarten at Lee the not so (polite nickname) School.
It was the mid-seventies. I thought the night would never come. I was wearing my best dress. It was long with a purple and white pattern. I wanted Michael to notice me. The trip from Novato seemed endless. When were we going to get there? Drive faster!!! We finally arrived at the Circle Star Theater in Northern California. The Jackson 5, who had become the Jacksons, was the featured group. The music and everything else is a blur. I was standing in the aisle screaming, “Michael.” Hey, that Randy is kinda cute too. Wait, I think Michael just winked at me.
Everyday when I woke up, I had to pass Farah Fawcett. When we lived in Spanish Housing at Hamilton Air Force Base, her famous poster was on my brother’s wall. I passed her everyday when I went to the kitchen.
Even when I left home, there was Farah. All of my friends who had brothers had a poster of Farah Faucett.
If you didn’t have a picture of Farah Faucett, you tried to “feather” your hair like her.
When she was married to Lee Majors, we were told that they lived in Novato, California. My mother taught in Novato. We never saw her in person, but we were happy to know she was there.
Rest in Peace
I am still writing recommendation letters and giving guidance to students I met several years ago. Even students who have moved across the globe continue to find me. So what makes a student memorable after 20 years? Most of the students I remember participated in campus programs. I also remember students who used to drop by and tell me about their lives.
I met many students because they were referred by an adviser or peer who felt we may have some things in common. Academic interests, personal issues or career exploration may have led them to me. Others were referred because of common histories or interests. Some were students in classes that I taught or they may have worked for me. As an administrator at two universities, I have met thousands of students. However, I remember the ones who contributed of their time and the ones who made an effort to stay in touch.
So what do you do when you find your former professor or adviser? Activities range. I have tea with one of my professors from the ’80’s every couple of years or whenever I am in Virginia. I love when former students send updates. One former grad student sent pictures of her new baby recently. One got married on last Thursday. One is getting married in the next month. Another just sent a copy of a film she produced. Others have decided to go to graduate school and need recommendation letters. Two are in town clerking at law firms. Another has launched his Hip Hop career. With email and Facebook, this is easy to keep in touch in the new millennium.
Every holiday, I have had to buy one less card. Father’s day is no different. Perhaps it is the fact that I was well into my 30’s before losing any of my grandparents. I lost three in a row. Just like that. When I got to college, I had four living grandparents and two great-grandmothers. Many of my classmates had lost their grandparents earlier in their lives. I was not to feel that type of pain until later in life.
I only bought one grandfather card today. Granddaddy Byrd is no longer with us. Lady Killer, Hall of Famer, Episcopalian, Sigma, and Tuskegean. Many people use the phrase “[Insert your affiliation] ’til the day I die.” I would say that even death did not seperate him from his beloved alma mater and employer.
Grandaddy was born in 1909. He told me when he was growing up, the schools for Blacks in Auburn, AL only went to the eighth grade. He had to move to Tuskegee to be educated. He lived with his cousins. Eventually he attended the Tuskegee Institute. I asked him why he decided to go to ‘Skegee. I recall two responses: 1) When Booker T. Washington came to Macon County to start Tuskegee, his mother met him and was inspired by his vision. 2) “It is obvious that you have never had to pick watermelon in the summertime or you wouldn’t ask me that question.”
When I would take friends to ‘Skegee for football games or just a visit, he would take us on a tour of the buildings that he and his classmates laid brick by brick. I can’t remember the buildings. I thought it was appropriate when my dad and his sister bought bricks to lay on the grounds of Tuskegee in memory of their parents.
He was notorious. People, who attended ‘Skegee while he was in the business office knew him as a harsh man who took no excuses if you didn’t have your money straight. I knew him as a grandfather who loved me unconditionally. Others knew him as a generous man who would give you his last. Others knew him as the life of the party. Others knew him for his looks.
Just in case you have read earlier posts, I have spoken at the funerals of three grandparents and an aunt. I couldn’t think of what to say at Granddaddy’s funeral until I was at the podium. He was a complex human being who loved me dearly. He wrote to me frequently and almost always included a check. As a child, summer trips to Alabama always included a trek to Tuskegee. My maternal and paternal family members LOVED each other. My mother’s parents always made sure I saw him in the summers. He also drove to Birmingham from ‘Skegee to see them.
He was the only person allowed to call me chick. He encouraged me to excel, experiment and to live life to the fullest. I had the pleasure of taking over his care for a short period of time. I was the only close relative living in Alabama so after a decline in his health, we moved him to Birmingham. Eventually he went to live close to my dad in Virginia.
Happy Father’s Day Grandaddy Byrd
Our alumni career network provides a multitude of information. The hot topic at this moment is finding a career in the new economy. The following article from NPR was forwarded by the UVA alumni association via Linkedin. The article illustrates how social media, including blogs in your area of expertise, can set you apart from your competition. My professional blog, The Intercultural Post, has helped potential clients understand what I do. I started the blog your are reading at this moment because of the number of conversations I have had with former students or recent college grads that I meet in need of encouragement. Check the article. You are already participating in the social media buzz by READING THIS BLOG!
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105483848
Our t-shirts used to say, Lefevre “Hot Nights and Cold Showers” referring to the lack of air conditioning and the fact that the hot water would run out by the time most of us got in the showers in the morning. This experience was shared by many of the people that lived in the Old Dorms at UVA.
Newbies. I think I have gotten reliving my college days out of my system for a moment so I can concentrate on you. I realize that many of you have lived in an age where you can handle most of your life without speaking to anyone on the phone or in person. As a matter of fact, employers and universities are offering communication courses to help transition you from social media to social interaction. I understand your hesitation in visiting an adviser or career center.
O.K. Let’s compromise. Check to see if you have the option of signing up for your on-line career services. Alumni might have this option too. I will be giving a career webinar for my alma mater in the fall. Career centers have podcasts and all kinds of information right at your fingertips. You could “participate” in a seminar, chat with an advisor and complete most of your information on-line.
This will work in the short-term. Eventually you will have to speak to someone when you are interviewing for a job.
This week’s task: Login to your alma mater’s career site. Take a tour of the services.
Watching tonight’s episode of “Army Wives” reminds me of when we moved to California. The character “Claudia Joy” has to eat on top of boxes that were originally supposed to go to Brussells. We had boxes but no furniture when we moved out of our hotel into base housing. The teamsters were on strike so our furniture was in a truck somewhere between Kansas and California.
Army Wives are amazing. Just ask my mother.
Also see the Three Legged Dog.
After 20 years, I finally understand the Charlottesville music scene. Live from the Hook explained it all. I know it is hard to believe that I actually attended and graduated from UVA, isn’t it?
As we approached the band party, one of my classmates commented in a sarcastic way, I know we are at UVA again.” I just didn’t realize the truth in her statement. We were back in C’Ville–the Hook. I went to Rugby Road once or twice to hear a band. Since I wasn’t a drinker (Yes – I realize that I am a Wahoo, but I managed to graduate without fully participating in the activities that gave UVA that special nick-name), I generally stayed away from the bars and fraternity houses. At the reunions, it is harder to do. We pay one fee. So for the last 20 years since graduation, I watched my classmates and other Wahoos relive a large segment of the UVA experience that was foreign to me.
Since Dave Matthews Band has put out a new Album, the group has been on the news quite a bit lately. Its rise to stardom was after my time at UVA, but the connection to Charlottesville intrigued me. Low and behold, a screening of ”Live from the Hook” was one of the featured events at the summer reunion. To attend, I had to miss the dorm reunion. I thought that my love for music documentaries was more important than reliving my days in the dorm.
The filmmakers, who are graduates of the class of 1984, wanted to document the bands that grew out of Charlottesville. They not only featured the bands, but the venues that nurtured the music. The fraternities and some of the bars were a breeding ground for music that was cutting edge at the time. It was a fusion of blues, rock, reggae.
The music scene began in the late ’60’s as an underground movement. Some of the original bands began to play, “Race Music” which was taboo. I was thinking about the fact that UVA Professor Julian Bond had just lectured on a similar topic earlier that morning. You can check out his podcast entitled, Crossing the Color Line: From Rhythm and Blues to Rock n Roll.
All of my friends know that I am an ’80’s buff. I can dance to just about anything, but the live C’ville sound just wasn’t my thing. However, it grew out of a genre that was new, risque and a manifestation of the changing climate in the country at that time.
The movie features Easters, which was a week long drinking party at UVA. I remember one of my cousins, who attended Davidson, was excited that he wouldn’t have to live on the street during Easters. He was happy that I was enrolling at UVA for reasons very different than my dad. Easters was eliminated, but students found other places to get rid of the stress and rigors of UVA. The music lived on for 40 years and even bred the likes of Dave Matthews Band.
As a result of the film, I will no longer think, “Why in the world does the reunion committee keep booking these bands?” When they advertise Skip Castro and similar bands I will understand the choice in context. My musical taste hasn’t changed, but I understand and respect the choice.
Check out Live from the Hook.
Skip Castro Band
I can't believe this. I am already late for the seminar. The traffic on 29 was insane as I approached Charlottesville. Of course there was an accident. I really wanted to get to the seminar. I registered for the reunion, found a great parking spot, ran up the steps from Emmett Street to the street that runs behind Monroe Hill College in record timing. I had been to Clark Hall a million times. I LOVED to study there. My sister worked there when she was in college.
The sidewalk was closed so I tried to use a back entrance. Well, the back entrance was a new addition. I felt like I was first year again. I had a backpack and a schedule trying to figure out where in the world I was going. I shouldn't feel too bad. I kept running into to a guy from the class of '84. We found the guide at the same time. It turns out that he wasn't even in the right building. I had to take an elevator to the 3rd floor and then go down to the 1st floor after finding the secret hallway passed the men's restroom.
Finally, I made it. Oh no. The door is locked. The lecture had been moved to another location...
I was disappointed that my crew wasn’t attending our 20 year college reunion. By my crew, I am referring to three women that I met during orientation week. We lived in the same dorm association. We have been friends for 24 years. I have attended all four reunions. The crew was only present at one of them.
UVA Reunions are not only for catching up with friends, they include networking and great seminars. I got to know people whose faces looked familiar, but we had never talked. I ended up hanging out with people who were all educators. Several of us had worked in higher ed. My roommate from 3rd and 4th year and one of her former roommates worked in the K-12 system. I left with renewed friendships, new friendships and an expanded network.
I kept getting announcements from the reunion committee regarding the English Beat. Several people seemed to be excited and highly anticipating the group. After dinner was served, the English Beat started playing. They had a nice Ska sound. They sounded familiar. They ended the set with Tenderness. Aah. Now I remember them.
I was singing, “Goin’ Back to C’ville” to the tune of “Don’t Go Back to Rockville” as I drove down 29 from D.C. to Charlottesville. OMG, Fredericksburg, Ruckersville, Albermarle County. I am almost to Thomas Jefferson’s Academical Village. I am home.
Thinking back to 1985. You know that break you get during dead week when people can make as much noise in the dorms as they want at about 10p? I answered a knock at the door only to be met by a blast of water from a super soaker. Members of a certain fraternity, that will remain nameless, had surrounded the dorm soaking unsuspecting first year women.
Perhaps my college reunion is triggering memories of days gone by.
I know that it sounds like something you might do later in life, but joining your alumni association could help you financially. I was talking to my newbie informant this week (for those who have just joined this conversation, I have been hanging out with recent college grads). She and some of her friends are accepting jobs without benefits and insurance. Check out your alumni association. I belonged at various points and times over the last 20 years, but I fully utilized the benefits when I starting consulting. Alumni associations have some benefits and discounts that a benefits office of a major company offers. Insurance is a major discount. Not to mention, you can connect with alumni who are in the position to hire you!
Check out your alumni benefits. It is a minor investment with major benefits.
This post is from the perspective of an African American woman. By “natural” hair, most of us mean hair that is not relaxed or straightened using heat and metal. It doesn’t usually include weaves or wigs. Perhaps we could have a discussion about other forms of black expression through hair in a future post.
I get questions on a regular basis from young women who are entering the workforce who want to wear their hair “natural”. Their parents tell them, “You must straighten your hair.” I think it depends on the industry you are working for and the type of people you are working for. I have to admit that I waited until I had built my career and reputation before I started wearing my hair nappy. Of course it took me years to find someone to grow out my relaxer and to style it. I wore my hair pulled back most of the time when it was straight.
So I would scope out the place where you are working. Sit outside and watch the other women of color. Banking is usually conservative. Can you wear your hair up or back at work even if it is nappy? One of my friends works for JP Morgan Chase. She was conservative to begin with so it wasn’t hard for her to fit into the environment. However, she wore microbraids pulled back in a bun. My cousin who is in law school was told by her brother and sister in-law attorney couple that she needed to straighten her hair for interviews.
Ask yourself are you in a position to be turned down because of your look. I am at an age where I seek environments where I can be myself instead of trying to fit into a mold. However, I have been out of college for 20 years. I truly believe that people are more accustomed to different hair styles. I get a lot of compliments on my hair from people of various backgrounds.
I think that the confidence and competence that you communicate should be the key. However, if you are seeking employment in a place that is image conscience, decide if you fit the image or do you have to change who you are? Hair is only the tip of the iceberg in those cases.
Trying to set up a meeting with the career center during reunions weekend in Charlottesville. They are offering free services to alumni during the recession. I try to touchbase with a career consultant every five years or so anyway. It has only been a year since I connected by phone but I want to see what new tools they are using. I will probably wander through the library, talk to any remaining staff… I plan to catch the workshop they are offering, but I also desire individual attention.
What a treat to some of the recent college graduates. Check out these words of wisdom from celebrity commencement speakers. I liked Oprah’s words…something about it being great to have a jet, but it means nothing unless you give back. http://abcnews.go.com/gma.
