Hair Obsession

When I had long, straight hair, guys used to stop and ask if they could touch my hair and told me how pretty it was.

When I went natural, the Black Power, Nationalists types were the first to tell me they loved my hair.

When I found my style, younger guys mostly on the spoken word, hip hop scene were the first to embrace it.

Now, more mainstream men of all ages are sharing their compliments.  At a function this past weekend, a young guy asked if he could touch my hair.

Are many women struggling with going naturally curly, locking, braiding, twisting because of what the men in our community think? What is up with men and hair?

Getting to the Root of Natural Hair

Earlier this month, I participated in a gathering focused upon women with natural hair. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the concept, it is referring to African American women who have rejected the use of chemical hair relaxers. For me, it means discontinuing the use of straighteners including hot combs and flat irons. It means letting my natural curl pattern show. About five years ago, after several years of being natural, I shifted my focus to curly hair. My friend and hair dresser, Denise McFadden, recommended I visit a curly hair salon in New York. Women from different ethnic backgrounds patronize the salon.  However, I can identify with women who are transitioning from relaxed to natural hair.

Although I had attended a Natural Daze gathering last year with a different group of women, I wasn’t sure what to expect. What did we have in common other than the fact that our hair was natural?  I was late due to a prior commitment. When I arrived, I was excited to see three women with natural hair leaving the venue. Was there an instant bond just because of our hair? As I entered the venue, it did not take long to find the others. This sea of women with their locks in several styles were chatting, laughing and cutting up.

There were several women present that I had met previously. Some with whom I had bonded because of natural hair and others from random settings. My natural hair partner was there. I was glad to see a younger friend I had met a few years prior because of our hair.  She was one of the organizers and one of the main reasons I decided to attend.

So what was the connection between women with natural hair?  Are there particular characteristics, values or commonalities among women who have rejected the traditional relaxer?  I was at the function for about 1.5 hours.  I don’t think that I had a single conversation about hair.  I observed a few, but most people were conversing about other things such as work, personal lives, relationships and various life experiences.  I look forward to the next gathering of the Birmingham Natural Beauties and getting to know the stories behind the hair.

Etiquette for your new gym membership

I sometimes dread going to the gym in January. The recruiters have done a good job in selling memberships, but they fail to share etiquette tips for the new members.  Some things seem like common sense, but as an interculturalist, I realize one person’s sensibility does not necessarily transfer to the next person. O.K. maybe these are just my pet peeves, but it is my blog and I’ll nag if I want to.  And I am quite sure that despite my veteran status, I do things to irritate people.  Each gym or studio has a  unique culture but most of the suggestions below are universal.  If you plan to try yoga, perhaps some of the following suggestions will help.

1) Make sure you stop eating two hours before your class. The class may not appreciate the intro to your gastric juices during class. My Yoga Practice Online actually has a scientific explanation as to why this practice is in the best interest of your health.
2) Believe it or not, on your first visit, it is not necessary to be able to do all the things you see the instructor doing. It is alright to go down to your knees into child’s pose. Many experienced practitioners modify their poses.  It is kind of like doing low impact aerobic exercises in a high impact class.
3) We usually don’t clap at the end of class as we just spent an hour trying to relax.
4) It is probably best to leave your shoes and phone against the wall or the back of the room. It gets pretty crowded in most classes.
5) In yoga, the instructors rarely demonstrate poses repeatedly until you get it “right.” If your body isn’t ready to move into a pose, it just won’t. Eventually you will build enough strength and flexibility to stand on your head with the best of them.  I got a couple of videos when I first started practicing that helped.  I like Rodney Yee’s beginner series.

Namaste

C-3P0 Must Be a Liberal Arts Major

My son has taken an interest in Star Wars since our visit to an exhibit at the Space & Rocket Center in Huntsville, AL. The remastered version of the first Star Wars movie was on television. My brother and I saw it 14 times in the 70’s. I am not sure how many times I have seen it since then.

As I was watching C-3PO attempt to sell himself to Luke Skywalker’s uncle, I thought, “C-3PO must be a liberal arts major.” At first he was only seen as a protocol droid. He proceeded to tell of all of his transferable skills and got the job.  If you fast forward the follow clip to to 6.16 – 6.39, you will see for yourself.

Neuvo Birmingham Leadership

I have been observing Gen Xer and Yer Birminghamians for sometime now.  There are several leaders in the community who are worth mentioning.   Some are locally born and bred.  Some are transplants.  Some are male and some are female. I may end up including Boomers who are just all that or their politics transcends their generation.  Most, but not all, of the people featured are going to be African American because Birmingham is predominantly African American.  I will include some people in the metro area. I did not peruse newspapers or magazines or poll people.  I just keep hearing about things they have done. There are several people who are included that I have never met so some of the information might be urban legend or just my impression.  Please use the comment section to supplement where you like.

There is a growing force in politics, community development, business, urban renewal, and the arts scene that are worth mentioning.  I don’t want to wait until their funerals to say something meaningful about them.  I just want them to know I recognize their work and their efforts.  I don’t necessarily agree with all that they are doing.  I may or may not like them even, but their presence is worth mentioning.  After moving back home and hoping that certain things would happen, I sit back as a 40 something and think, wow, things have really progressed.  A young and energetic group is taking Birmingham to another space.

So what inspired me to do this?  I was talking to my cousin Courtney French, who WILL  be mentioned in this piece, that the guys of M-Set are doing well.  I don’t recall that he was a member of M-Set but they collaborated on a few things after college.  I am proud of Courtney and a few of the people that I used to call his little friends because they were all in their teens when I met them. A couple of days later, I ran into Del Davis who has moved back to Birmingham from the ATL.  I mentioned this fact to another friend the next day who had just happened to mention that Jay Roberson was riding on the back of garbage trucks and really getting involved with his district.   I went to Jay’s Facebook page to tell him “great job” and saw an update that M-Set is coming back.    I was interested in using Courtney, some of his friends and the M-Set crowd as a best practice for leadership development.  We have local versions of the Brothers and the Pact that should be highlighted.

I plan to include men who were not  in these circles.  I will also feature several women.  Stay tuned.

I am going to mistakenly leave out people who are definitely leading movements and making change.  I already wrote a piece on the hip hop community who are organizing and inspiring creativity such as Jona Crooner, Real Life Poet members Leroy Hicks, Patrick Johnson, John Taylor, and Thed Weller.  DJ’s Chris Coleman and Supreme were also featured.  Please see  Birmingham’s Hip Hop Scene for their stories.

I hope this piece will be interactive and that you will share your stories and thoughts.

Is Gigonomics for You?

Tory Johnson’s most recent segment on GMA was informative as usual.  She described the concept of Gigonomics.  Gigonomics is when one has a number of “gigs” or “jobs.”  The individuals she featured had multiple streams of income from different jobs or projects.  I immediately thought about moms and students that use this technique to make ends meet.  The “Jack” or “Jill” of all trades is now the norm for some people in the new economy.

As a consultant this story also resonates.   Because my first major job out of college — Student Affairs Specialist–required so many skills, I think managing multiple projects is just normal.  Other people think it is unique.  It was easy to manage consulting after the wonderful training I had at such a multifaceted job.  The job required marketing, public relations, budgeting, proposal writing, staff management, event planning, student advising, listening skills, presentation skills and the list goes on.  I use all of these skills and then some as a consultant.

Johnson warns that Gigonomics isn’t for everyone.  One must be very organized and have tremendous time management skills.  Some people have no choice.  They have fallen into this lifestyle to survive.  One of my cousins who works for the federal government,  pastors a church, and buys and sells real estate has always said that his father taught him to have multiple streams of income.

For those interested in expanding their opportunities, she suggests writing down all of their skills on a sheet of paper.  She also suggests matching the skills to a particular function.  And finally, she suggests talking to people who work in jobs requiring these skills.

Does this process sound familiar?  In previous posts for recent graduates, I mention this process in a more formal way.  For example, utilizing your alma mater’s career center to take interest inventories.  I also mentioned matching interests to the occupational outlook Handbook and then informational interviewing people who work in your fields of interest.

For more information on Gigonomics, visit the GMA Job Clubs website.  Use the search term “skills inventory” to find worksheets if you want something more formal than using your notepad.  It also helps to think of skills that you forgot you had.

Adult Internships

Anyone in a career transition will find this story interesting. Tory Johnson encourages adults seeking career changes or new skills to intern for a few months. Check out this story on Good Morning America. Please share interesting stories that you have about finding a career that suited your new life as a mother.

Image of a 40 Something

I keep meeting 20 and 30 somethings who can’t believe I am 40+.  Of course I take it as a compliment, however,I wonder what their image is of someone in their 40’s. I am trying to think about my image of people in their 40’s before I got to this point.   My cousins and their friends have aged pretty slowly I guess.  It is hard to tell who is what age after a certain point.  Most of my friends from high school and college haven’t changed that much from 30 – 40.  We have gained a little weight and added a few gray hairs, but we are recognizable.   Perhaps illness or life circumstances have taken their toll on some high school and college classmates.  I think motherhood has accelerated the aging process.

What comes to mind when you think of 40?

Biological Clock

It is very interesting.  I got a message via Facebook from a friend and then saw a piece on Good Morning America regarding fertility.  There is hope for having a baby after 30.  I was 38 or 39 .   Six friends also had their babies at 39 and 40.  One had hers at 42.   Try not to stress about your biological clock.  I must say though, because of eating organic and the amount I used to exercise, I was in the shape of someone 10 years younger according to my doctors.  I also got pregnant shortly after making some life changes.  This has nothing to do with hormone levels or egg counts, but I think it made a difference.

There are risks to a woman who gets pregnant after 35 and to the child.  All of our children were born healthy.  Though there are risks, it can happen.   I thought there were too many negative stories haunting women so I wanted to share a positive one.

Support Haiti for My Birthday

My friends know I ALWAYS party on my birthday. Would you help me celebrate this year by supporting rapper, producer, humanitarian and Haitian American Wyclef Jean’s charity, Yele? A young woman I met this week and I were discussing the fact that the name of the group he shared with Lauryn Hill, the Fugees, came from the word refugees. I love intergenerational conversations.

Finding My Inner DJ

Watching episodes of Salt-n-Pepa’s reality show has brought back memories of my roommate’s daily morning ritual of  playing  Everybody Get Up.   Of course the Go Go’s and George Michael made their way to our cassette decks, but Salt-n-Pepa got the most play.  We found our inner hip hop DJ’s before we made the trek to the UVA grounds.  She was Melli Mel.  I was Fly Betti.

Lately several conversations have inspired me to again find that alter ego.  I am developing a presentation that includes a  love of the ’80’s.  I am looking for something to describe Bettina the interculturalist, the instructor, the dancer, the wanna be DJ, and the 40 something.  Please share your suggestions for my DJ/rap artist persona.

You know you are old school when…

We bought a new interactive video game for my son for Christmas.  He can dance and learn at the same time.  I was so excited.  I put everything together.  All I had to do was plug it into the TV.  It turns out that none of the TV’s in our house are equipped for it.  It made me think that I am really old school.   If you are also feeling old school, please complete this statement:  You know you are old school when…

New Year’s Resolutions

I raced to the gym last week thinking that I probably would not get a bike.  The weather was cold and wet so the runners tend to spin instead of running.  I had also stopped attending that particular class since my son was born.  To my delight, there were several bikes to choose from.  I remembered that it was the first weekend in December.  In January, I definitely won’t be able to get a bike.  All the people who received gym memberships for Christmas or made resolutions to workout next year would be swarming to the gym on January 2nd.  I thought I would share some suggestions that might make the new or returning gym members gel with the old gym rats a little better.

1) If you have never been to a class, get there early and let the instructor know you are new.  Don’t wait until a minute before class or the time that class starts to divulge this information.  O.k. now that is out of the way, I will give you constructive suggestions for you.

2) Check at the front desk to see if there is a sign-in sheet.  You don’t want to get put off of a bike or out of a class because you failed to sign the list.  At one gym that I go to, the moms sign-in and then run the kids to school.

3) Ask around.  If you are already in pretty good shape, the level of the instructor may not matter.  If you are new to working out, try to find a gentle class or someone who works with beginners.

4) Bring plenty of water.  Sometimes the vending machines in the gym malfunction.

5) Take a friend with you.

6) Please don’t talk in the middle of yoga or clap after class ends.  Of course there are chatty yoga instructors who enjoy audience participation.  On that note, try not to eat two hours before class.  We usually know the new people by their flatulence.

Perhaps some of my friends have additional suggestions.

Christmas Memories

I couldn’t take it any longer.  Christmas Eve was never going to end.  When could I open my presents?  Thank goodness, Col. Chambliss is going to drive us to the movies.  Mandy and I decided that watching Watership Down was the only way to take our minds off of the fact that there were several more hours to Christmas.

In Search of Lumpia

I was hanging out with some friends recently and found out that one of them went to high school in the Philippines.  Although I have never lived in the Philippines, a women by the name of Rosie worked with my dad at Ft. Baker in Sausalito, CA.  Each year, she invited us to what I still consider to be the biggest gathering of people in a home and the largest buffet I have ever seen.  I believe it was the Asian New Year celebration.  I have to admit that I was young so everything probably seemed big.  However, I always remember stuffing myself with lumpia.  With that enormous buffet, I am not sure why lumpia stands out.

So what is lumpia?  When I moved to Alabama, I found it difficult to describe it.  I usually compared it to an egg roll, but I still find it to be a loose comparison.  They seem to be made from similar ingredients from an outsiders point of view, but they seemed much lighter and meatier.

I found a description on Wikipedia.  Let me know if anyone prepares lumpia in the Birmingham area.

Hoos Helping Hoos Career Transition Webinar

Last month, I conducted a webinar for UVA’s Alumni Career Services.   Despite a few technical difficulties, I have gotten positive feedback and so has the Director of ACS.  I may be taking the show on the road (virtual road) for a national network.  Stay tuned…

Click here for slides and to listen to the webinar.

I’m not unorganized, just organizationally challenged

I am sitting here thinking about those super organized moms who write about organizational techniques for others.   NONE of their suggestions ever work for my child.    For example, some moms suggest planning outfits for a week and putting them in containers organized by days of the week .  I can plan his outfits for the whole week, but our latest battle is that he wants to wear certain colors on certain days. I open the drawer, he chooses a shirt and then he chooses his matching pants.

So do those moms have perfect children that just do what they say? I try to give him freedom and flexibility and allow him to express himself and communicate to me colors or images on his shirts, etc. This does not meet with any of the organized mom articles.   It actually takes less time than the battle.

My son’s doctor suggests for his sake and mine that we choose our battles.  Who writes those things? Perhaps I am just a softy.  I forgot, my mom was one of those super organized moms and she is the daughter of one.  Oh well, I guess it really isn’t genetic.

Future of Tiger’s Endorsements

I have been involved with a conversation this morning on a social media site about the future of Tiger’s endorsements.  One of the participants shared a link to an ESPN site.  The focus is on the interdependent relationship of Tiger and the PGA.  Do you think the Tiger brand will survive?

GMA Job Clubs

Looking for a group of people who are also in career transition?  Good Morning America’s Job Clubs help individuals around the country connect with others who are seeking employment or to change their employment status.  The network was begun by the CEO of Women for Hire, Tory Johnson.  She suggests that in this tight economy, people should begin job clubs.  People can share resources and support one another through the process of finding a job.  To find out more about job clubs in your area, click here.

UA’s Mark Ingram Wins Heisman Trophy

Though I am a UVA alum, Alabama’s football tradition is alive and well in our home.  My husband has been especially excited the past few weekends.  A win against Auburn, defeating Florida in the SEC championship and now the Heisman trophy has restored Alabama to the status of days past.  Congratulations Alabama.

Click here for the Atlanta Journal Constitution article.

United Gospel Men

My mom worked with this choir.  She just discovered the concert is on You Tube.

Serena Williams

A friend requested that I post something about Serena Williams. Her swimsuit malfunction and  recent fine are hitting the news.  Like golf, my father followed and played tennis when I was growing up.  I mentioned in a previous post that my brother and I used to convince kids that he was Arthur Ash when we lived across the street from the base tennis courts.

So like Tiger, the Williams sisters are part of our regular conversation.  Many people at the time were commenting that the sisters needed to focus on tennis rather than other pursuits.  When you are kicking everyone’s butts, I would imagine it could be boring.  One must find other pursuits.

I thought it was fascinating that their father had never played tennis, but raised two champions several times over.  They were urbanites who dominated the tennis world and changed it with their power and style.  They were always graceful and positive.  Even when mistreated, they kept their heads up high.

So when one has been completely dominate, played by the rules, ignored all the comments, glances and silent treatment in the locker rooms, is she free to lose control?  Did Serena lose control?  Is her fine severe?  On top of that, she had a wardrobe malfunction.  Will this incident hurt her image?

Check out this  interview with Serena.

I LOVE Sweet Potatoes

I love sweet potatoes.  Baked sweet potatoes.  Sweet potato casserole.  Sweet potato pie.  Sweet potato souffle.  Sweet potato chips.  Sweet potato fries.  Candied yams.  Mashed sweet potatoes.  I almost had a fit when my favorite place to buy candied yams had run out.  As I was leaving, they ran to the door, someone had managed to dig up some sweet potato mush.  I shared it with my son.  Yum.

How do you like yours?

Heart Broken by Tiger

It is hard when one discovers that a hero is human or just like everyone else.  I hear about men and women cheating on their spouses all the time.  I really think it is none of our business.  However, with Tiger Woods,  I cared whether or not it was true.  I was heartbroken to hear that his indiscretions might be confirmed.  Charles Barkley tells us that athletes shouldn’t be role models, parents should be their kids’ role models.  What do you think?

Click here for more about Tiger’s scandal.

Blogs Her Color Featured Blog of the Day

Hello everyone, I have been selected to be Blogs Her Color’s Color of Choice for November 30, 2009.  A couple of categories I would like to feature include professional development, African-American Women and multigenerational topics.  I look forward to your comments and feedback.

Timeless Performers

I was excited to see that LL Cool J is hosting appearing on the Soul Train Awards.  It is so amazing to me that he has been on the scene more than 20 years.  He has records that span three decades and he is a hip hop artist.  Of course one thinks of Michael Jackson as the ultimate performer who transcended time.   He was in the business for over 40 years.

I have been trying to think of musical artists who have appealed to multiple generations.  I am not thinking of groups who perform their hits from the sixties over and over again, but artists of days  who were still making hits more for more than two decades.  Therefore, the Rolling Stones and Frankie Beverly are not on the list.

My list includes:

1. Michael Jackson
2. Diana Ross
3. Prince
4. Tina Turner
5. Paul McCartney
6. U2
7. Aretha Franklin
8. LL Cool J
9. Commodores
10. Parliament and Funkadelic

Who is on your list and why?

Thank You for Being A Friend

I just finished watching a movie about friendship. When I was in college, my roommates and I watched the Golden Girls on Friday nights.  We would sing the theme song at the top of our lungs.  Twenty years later, I understand this song at a different level.  To my friends and my sister who is also my friend.

The Shriver Report

I was watching Meet the Press a few weeks ago.  Maria Shriver was discussing her book, The Shriver Report:  A Women’s Nation Changes Everything. I think I have been living in a bubble.  Every time I hear reports about how more women are in the workplace than ever before,   I can only recall three friends who had moms that didn’t work.  They were all friends from elementary school when we lived in California.  Their moms were military wives.

I believe all of my friends from high school had working parents.   Out of my close friends from high school and college, all of our moms worked all of our lives.  Both of my grandmothers and great-grandmothers worked.  My mother in-law worked.    The women in the  neighborhood worked.    In addition to working outside of the home, they had full responsibility for their homes and care of the children.  As a matter of fact, this became a topic of conversation in an interview with Pavo Magazine .

Disclaimer for those friends from the distant past:  When my father was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel, my mother hired a housekeeper who visited us twice a week.  However, we had to have the house cleaned up before she got there so she didn’t think we were “nasty.”

The issue of equal pay for equal work is another story.  My maternal grandmother left Tuskegee for Chicago because African American educators were paid a lot more in the Midwest.  The options for women beyond, housekeeper, teacher, nurse were limited for the women in my circles.  They wanted our generation to have more options.

I LOVE Maria Shriver.  I am glad she is bringing this issue to light. I am not making a judgment, just an observation.  I look forward to reading the book.  However, I think the stats reflect a group of women that are not within my immediate world.

What do you think?

Alabama-Auburn Country

If you live in Alabama, you generally have to choose an affiliation.  Upon meeting someone new, an Alabamian usually asks where you go to church and soon after you must divulge whether or not you are an Alabama or Auburn fan.  Even if you have never set foot on either campus or your funds went to Tuskegee, Birmingham-Southern or UAB,  you generally have to choose.  Now don’t get , me wrong.  The SWAC (Southwestern Athletic Conference) is well represented in Alabama.  There are  few undercoverACC fans running around.  However, Alabama-Auburn culture is dominant.

Give a shout out to your favorite team.

Larry Langford Found Guilty

Larry Langford, former Mayor of Birmingham, has been found guilty on all counts of bribery.  I don’t know Larry Langford personally, but the tremble in his voice and the comments by his wife got to me today.  I can’t imagine the thought of going to jail for 804 years .  So what kind of deal did the guys get who testified against him? During his race for mayor, it was difficult to keep up with the facts.  In politics, does one ever know the true facts?

Whatever happens, our city is going to suffer.  No matter how one feels about Langford, he is an idea man.  Our growth has stagnated in recent years.  I hope for a city council and a mayor that can work together.  I pray for our city.  I pray for our county.  I pray for our country.

Where are the Birmingham Good Samaritans?

Saw a woman trip in Five Points South this morning.  Many people in a national coffee chain sat there and continued to read their papers and drink coffee.  I was sitting in a window seat having breakfast in a locally owned restaurant.  I ran outside.  When I returned to my seat, some people commented that it was nice of me to go out there.  Others commented that they wondered why I flew out of the restaurant. Am I still in Birmingham?  Aren’t we southern?

I had flash backs of being in larger urban centers and having something similar happen to me.  People walked right over me and seemed irritated that I was in their way.  I always said,  that one of the many things I like about the south is the neighborly attitude.   Though sometimes it is annoying to have people in your business, when something happens to you, it doesn’t go unnoticed.  Have things changed?  Though Birmingham is a mid-size industrial city, we still had small town values at one point.

There were a few other people who stopped.  Just for those Birmingham stereotypers, our concerned group was multicultural.  At first glance the helpers included a black female, white male, a woman with a dark complexion and jet black hair who looked like a mix of a number of ethnic groups and a white woman.  The Southside is probably one of the most diverse areas of town.

Has indifference set in?  Why weren’t others concerned?

Gotta a skill or service to barter?

With the present economy, bartering has become a means of survival.  Individuals will talents are connecting with one another and trading their skills, talents or inventories in place of cash.  There are even websites that will help you with facilitating the bartering process.  Photographers, musicians, artists, and other people with talents are getting the services they need by providing a service.  Not sure how to barter, check out this article.

Kahn Chow Wu Byrd

Reading Pennie of Pennedepie reminds me of the last dog that we owned–Kahn Chow Wu.  He was a beautiful Lhasa Apso that we bought in Novato, California. He was the most active of his brothers and sisters.  I liked how he jumped on the couch and dove to the floor.  I had to have him.

He was a beautiful mix of blonds and browns.  It is funny, I see a lot of women who have had their hair dyed the same color.  As a cousin to the Shitzu, Lhasa’s tend to have lots of hair.  However, if groomed properly, they are not supposed to shed.

The information book we bought about Lhasa’s said that they were lion dogs that guarded the Tibetan temples.  Kahn had to have the name of a ruler.  Of course we Anglicized the spelling.

He was the best dog.  He knew when we were sick.  He could detect people who meant harm to us.  In his final days, Kahn suffered from conditions that you see in older human beings.  We had to let him go.  My mom still has a shrine to Kahn in her house.  We miss you Kahn.

Eureka! I Found Her

For years, after I was on my own, I was ready to grow out my relaxer.  I started the journey when I was about 22.  I could not find a beautician who would “do” my hair if I grew out the perm.  The lore of hair breaking off or having hair “this long” (requires a snap of the finger as you say, this long) or other God awful things that would happen if you tried to get rid of your perm kept me in misery for another 15 years.

I kept seeing this guy from the band Tekneek with a different ‘do every other week.  I finally asked, “Who does your hair?”  He mentioned Shawn.  I said, “I must meet her.”  I stopped by the shop.  I had hair that was extended almost down to my elbow at the time.  I asked, “Can you help me grow out my relaxer?”  She said, “Yes.”  She said that she would flat iron it until the perm grew out and then we would try different things.   Finding a natural hair dresser reminded me of the California state motto, “Eureka, I have found it!”  It was a reference to the gold rush.

I visited her every few months so that she could condition my hair and trim the relaxed hair.  This took place over a year or so.  She saw me through the deaths of three grandparents and a best friend.  She styled my hair for video shoots and still photos.  Eventually we tried the two strand twists.

However, I was still in search of a way to wear my hair loose and curly.  Then there was Denise.

Also see Summer Scalp Burning Hair Burning Ritual.

The Summer Scalp Burning Hair Burning Ritual

When I visited the grandmothers in Alabama and Chicago, I always had to go through the grueling process of getting a relaxer.  My mom said it was because of the weather.  I could tolerate the occasional straightening comb haze when we had a special occasion, but I hated getting a relaxer.  My mom said it was because of the summer humidity in Chi-town and Birmingham.  I knew better.  It was because her family would judge her as a bad mother if she allowed me to run around with my hair nappy.

This seemed to become a family project when I moved to Birmingham.  Each great aunt attempted to control the naps whether through their own devices or their latest hair dresser.  However, no perm, even today could every completely straighten my hair.  Every hairdresser swore that my relaxers were not put in properly.  Even after a year long commitment with one, the curls would reappear after the first washing.  Sorry Charlie.

Up to the ’90’s, one of my cousins just threw up her hands and said, “Bettina just never cared anything about hair.”  Thank God.  The torture was finally over.

What is good hair?

Chris Rock’s upcoming movie, Good Hair, has caused a public debate of a concept that has been discussed within the African American community for generations.  My friends outside of the community are surprised at the expense that African American women go through to manage their hair–particularly to straighten and lengthen their hair.  Each time a star such as Beyonce or Serena Williams come out with a new look, the debates resurface.  I am asking friends to share their hair stories.

See my initial story The Scalp Burning Hair Burning Ritual.

The New Canopy Bed

We spent Columbus Day furniture shopping for our son.    After looking on-line and thinking how ridiculous the prices were in a well known furniture store.  I thought, “Let’s go to Sears.  That is where I got my furniture set.”

I had been sharing a bedroom with my brother for as long as I can remember.  Each time we moved– Ft. Devans, Manhatten Kansas to Hamilton Air Force Base–I roomed with my brother.    We had bunk beds.  For some reason after my maternal grandmother’s visit, I started sleeping in the guest room.  I guess I was 8 or 9.  One year, perhaps it was Christmas, my grandparents collaborated to buy my first bedroom set.  It was a beautiful canopy bed.  The furniture was white wood trimmed in gold.  The linens included a mint green sheer spread with matching canopy.

I couldn’t believe it.  My own bedroom set.  I felt like Cinderella.  No more sleep overs in the living room, my friends could sleep in my room.  No more dingy brown, orange, and green tough skin spreads.  No more twin beds.  I am sure my brother was excited too.  He was trying to get rid of my for years.  What adolescent boy wanted to continue to share a room with his sister?   To celebrate the occasion, my friends and I danced to Hotline by the Sylvers in MY ROOM!

Good Hair

I am looking forward to Chris Rock’s documentary, Good Hair.  It is a topic of daily conversation for a number of people within the African American community, but I am not sure I have seen a feature film about it.  I have mentioned in previous posts that I am approached by women everyday who tell me they wish that they could go natural, but they don’t have “good hair.”  From the trailer, it sounds like Rock’s documentary focuses on perms, weaves, and extensions. It appears that fatherhood has made Rock look at society’s messages to his daughter about beauty and perhaps his roll in perpetuating these images.

The trailer features a number of stars who tell secrets including their hair  suppliers–Indian women.  The trailer even shows Rock in India interviewing women.   He features a chemist who shares the dangers of chemicals that are used in the lucrative relaxer industry.  I am trying to get as many women with natural, nappy, or store bought hair to watch the movie and then converse about the film.

Do you have any fun facts to share about African American women and our hair?

Blogging Against Violence: Interview with Self

I barely slept last night. I got up early to wash my hair in order to try to get my son to school by 7:00 a.m.  That didn’t happen.  My son woke up while I was leaning over the tub.  He decided he wanted to “help” wash my hair so he climbed onto my back as I washed, conditioned, rinsed and detangled my hair.  Today was a special day at school so it involved orchestrating a number of things that are out of the ordinary before we got there and once we were on sight.

After I dropped him off, I headed to the office for a few hours only to have to turn around and take him to a medical appointment.  While waiting for the clinician, a child decided to attack him.  He began to push him and eventually pushed him against the wall.  I had to stand between them wondering where in the world his parents were.  It happened a second time.  Finally, we were called by our clinician.  What I thought would be an hour ended up being two.

I kept dreading the blogathon.  I didn’t feel like putting on makeup or writing to help someone else when I was completely drained.  Of course not just because of the events of the day, but events that started last Friday including the visit to seven shoe stores on Monday to find fall shoes for my son.

I had not been blogging all week like I had planned.  I had writers block.  I was just going to turn around and go home when Malena Cunningham sent a second text asking was I on my way.  When I got to the station, a tow truck decided to park in the middle of the NBC 13 driveway.  Was this a sign to just go home?

When I got to the studio I went to the bathroom and put on some makeup.  I dragged myself into the conference room.  To my delight, it was a room full of energetic bloggers and volunteers.  The beautiful view of Birmingham from atop Red Mountain has always had soothing qualities for me.  Although I had sworn off sweets, I devoured a white chocolate macadamia nut cookies and washed it down with bottled water.  I was armed and ready!

As I was trying to figure out the lay of the land, I heard some of the staff and volunteers telling their stories.  I had forgotten that Malena and I had become friends through our work with the YWCA.  I wasn’t just a blogger, I was someone who had worked with women who had lost everything.

I was reminded of a support group that I had run on a temporary basis for an organization that works with domestic violence survivors.  It consisted of women who had fled their homes with their children without money and only the clothes on their backs.  They lived in fear everyday.  They weren’t free to complain about their bad day because of visits to multiple shoe stores.  They had been living day by day.

Many of these women were survivors of domestic violence.  Sometimes they shared their stories.  Sometimes they didn’t.  They were attempting to rebuild their self esteem, careers and a sense of normalcy. Domestic violence took away their freedom.  Had it not been for places like Pathway and the YW, both beneficiaries of funds from the Voices Against Violence Initiative, they would not have a safe place to sleep or to care for their children.

I couldn’t believe that 5:00 p.m. had come.  Then suddenly it was 5:30 p.m.  It was time to pick up my son.  But there were two more people I needed to interview.  I had gone from writers block, to trying to fit in all the things I want to say.

I know that there are alot of worthy causes out there.  This one is a matter of life or death for many people.  Please visit http://thewomensfundbham.org to donate.

Tahiera Brown on Domestic Violence

You never know what life may bring to you.  I have never had the opportunity to chat with Tahiera Brown, author of Annihilator of Innocence, but we are friends on Facebook.  I had seen her in the NBC 13 studio during the Women’s Fund blogathon but she was being interviewed by the professionals so I didn’t get a chance to speak with her.  I was feverishly trying to complete a blogpost so I could pick up my son and there she was sitting next to me.  She sat down for a few minutes and shared an amazing story of survival and renewal.

BB-G: Why are you participating in the Voices Against Violence Initiative?

TB:  I am here to support the Blogathon hoping that our presence will be able to help victims of violence–domestic, teen…other types of violence.  We need to work on several issues surrounding violence.  I thought it was a privilege to be asked.

BB-G:  What would you like the blogsaphere to know?

TB:  As a domestic violence survivor, it was very difficult for me when I was trying to figure out how to survive.  There were limited organizations to help us.  I want to send a message to those who are being victimized that there are resources available to them.

BB-G:  How will the Blogathon help?

TB:  I believe the Blogathon will help: 1) To educate the public.  With public awareness, more people will become involved.  2) To raise funds to help organizations such as the police department, the YWCA, therapists, and many others.

BB-G:  How did you break the silence about your victimization?

TB:  I wrote a book.  With that book, I travel around the country speaking on issues surrounding domestic violence.  Originally, I was afraid.  I was speaking as a victim.  I needed to overcome it to help survivors.  I made myself available to the public and shared my story.  That is the only time I gave a voice to my situation and all the causes related to domestic violence.

BB-G:  I had an opportunity to read excerpts from Annihilator of Innocence.  My husband bought a copy of the book for me when you spoke to the Vulcan Kiwanis Club.  I was captivated and horrified that you were victimized in your home as a child and as a married woman.  I encourage everyone to read the book.  With limited time and space, what would you like to leave with the general public?

TB:  My line of survival is, “I was once a victim.  I am now a survivor. ”  When you make that choice of words, life is not always easy, but you can overcome any obstacle that comes along in your life.

Click here to donate to Voices Against Violence.

Voices Against Violence Initiative

Hi blogasphere.  I am sitting here with Robin Adams Hall, Laura Lee, and Meg McGlamery with the Voices Against Violence program here in Birmingham.  Before being whisked away for a live television interview on NBC 13, they had a few words to share with us.  Like a true circle, each of them formulated and articulated the comments below.

What is the Voices Against Violence Initiative?

It is a Women’s Fund initiative to raise funds and awareness about domestic violence in our community.  Many or most of the supporters are lawyers.  It is a giving circle.  With that money, we work with organizations such as Coordinated Community Response (CCR), Pathways, Rape Response Program and other stakeholder in the fight against domestic violence.  They identify areas that need to be addressed in the legal system.  They find gaps or loopholes that need to be addressed.

Why should people in the community give to VAV?

This in an innovative program that is working with organizations and systems that are already in place.  They are just fixing and improving them.

“We are seeing immediate results.  Because of the VAV initiative, we have created lines of communication between organizations.  We work with court systems, police departments and stakeholders by building on each other’s strengths.”

We are all affected by domestic violence.  Most of us know someone whose life has been impacted tremendously by domestic violence in one way or another.  As community members we need to be responsible to each other by raising awareness to address this crisis.

Click here to give and for more information.

Cameron Vowell on Voices Against Violence

I just caught Cameron Vowell as she was walking out of the NBC 13 studio.  She is involved in a number of programs on behalf of women.  I wanted to know why she was giving her time today.

BB-G:  Why are you participating in the Blogathon?

CV:  I am 62 years old and have no idea about what this is about.  I have tweeted and posted on Facebook for the first time ever.  This is so exciting.  It is allowing the Women’s Fund to reach people we have never reached before.

BB-G:  You are involved with a number of community initiatives.  Why are you committing time to the Women’s Fund?

CV:  The Women’s fund is about “brains.”  It brings the brightest female minds in the city together to solve problems.

BB-G:  Why should someone donate to the Voices Against Violence program?

CV:  The VAV program represents a creative in-depth effort to improve the systems in the county for dealing with domestic violence.  It is not constrained by any government or regulations.  It brings everyone together to highlight problems and figure out solutions.

BB-G Any last words before you go?

CV:  Please participate.  This is very exciting.  This is a new model for communication and fundraising.

Click here for information and to donate.

Blogging Can Be Socially Redeeming

Since WordCamp Birmingham, I learned that blogging actually has redeeming qualities.  People are blogging for social justice purposes.  I am participating in a Blogathon to raise money for the Women’s Fund of Birmingham’s domestic violence initiatives. NBC-13 has dedicated space and air time for us to get a message out to you about.  Please spread the word and give a donation.  Visit their site at http://thewomensfundbham.org.

Social Media Event for and about Moms

Finally, a social media event for moms in Birmingham!  It is called Marketing to the Modern Mom:  A Candid Discussion about Social Media and Motherhood.  The event will be held on Thursday, October 8, 2009, 8:30 a.m. – 1:00p.m at the Virginia Samford Theater in Birmingham, AL.  For full details, visit  the Birmingham Blogging Academy site.

James P. Fahey must be an ’80’s cousin

I heard this guy recite this piece live at PAVO’s launch party.  Now he is featured in the mag.  I think we were hanging out in the same places in the ’80’s either physcially or in our minds.  He takes us on a journey through ’80’s Birmingham through his music collection and encoungers.  Check out Duran Duran Buttons.

Let the Blog-a-Thon Begin

A blog-a-thon benefittign the Women’s Fund began on October 1st.  Bloggers,Ttweeters, Facebookers and other new media junkies have been asked to blog to raise awareness about domestic violence and to raise funds to advocate for survivors of domestic violence. How can you get involved?

1) Commit to a tweet, status update a day or blog post October 1 – 15?

2) Join us in the studio on October 7th for the first ever multimedia Blog-a-thon  with NBC-13 on Wednesday October 7th.

For more information visit the Women’s Fund at http://www.thewomensfundbham.org.

PAVO’s Women in the Magic City Part 2

PAVO Magazine published part 2 of the first volume of, “Women in the Magic City.”  The writer, Opal South, is trying to define feminism in the south.  She explores feminism through conversations with women from different backgrounds including age, race, and class.  She is surprised that two women who had been referred to her didn’t necessarily identify themselves as such.  I happen to be one of the women.  Let me know what you think.

Click here for PAVO.

Marketing to Diverse Communities

If you build it, they will come. NOT! We frequently build programs that we think are great or offer products that are “no brainers”. Why wouldn’t everyone rush out to buy the product? You have even offered discounts or free items, but the fish just aren’t biting. Join The Byrds Nest, LLC for a workshop on attracting culturally and ethnically diverse customers, participants, and/or patrons. This workshop is designed for marketing coordinators, program coordinators, event planners, and outreach coordinators. Bettina Byrd-Giles will be the facilitator.

Date:  November 10, 2009       9 a.m. – 11 a.m.       Cost: $ 25.00
Click here to register.

Re-Engineering Your Career Workshop

This workshop is intended for the unemployed, underemployed and the person who has been laid off.

Date:  October 18, 2009     Time: 3 p.m- 4:30 p.m.     Location:  Birmingham International Center   (1728 5th Avenue North, Birmingham, AL  35205)

Fee:  Donation or barter a service worth at least $ 25.00       Register at http://reengineeringyourcareer.eventbrite.com/

Blog Against Violence

The Women’s Fund of Birmingham is sponsoring a first of its kind multimedia blogathon in conjunction with NBC-13.  They are asking anyone who blogs, tweets, or utilizes other forms of social media to join in the live event on October 7, 2009 and assist in spreading the word starting on October 1, 2009.  Click here for details.

A Socio-Religio-Cultural Look at WordCamp

As some of you know, I am an interculturalist. Interculturalists facilitate interactions across cultures. We also conduct assessments to determine the culture of organizations.  I believe Matt compared WordCamp or WordPress to an Amish Barn Raising. Since he made an ethno-religious comparison, I wanted to further analyze WordCamp.

Why? I have been trying to describe WordCamp to friends and colleagues who aren’t bloggers.  For that matter, people who use other programs are in the dark too. I need your help with some qualitative research. How would you describe WordCamp?

Here is some of the language I plan to use in the socio-religio-cultural analysis of WordCamp.

The Religion/Philosophy/Worldview:  Blog.  Need I say more?
Denomination:  WordPress
The Guru:  Matt Mullenweg
The Deacons:  WordCamp Organizers
The Congregation:  Techs, Marketing Specialists, Journalists, common everyday person
The Evangilists:  WordPress Masters
The Ritual Space:  WordCamp Birmingham
The Doctrine: ?

Exerpt:

On last weekend, over 150 people converged on Birmingham for WordCamp.  It is hard for me to describe WordCamp.  However, WordCamp is a meeting of users of WordPress where they share best practices and innovative approaches to maximizing the web.  WordPress users who frequently communicate from a distance meet to problem also have a chance to solve problems in person.  During WordPress founder, Matt Row…’ presentation, he compared WordCamp as an “Amish Barn Raising.”  It is truly a meeting of the minds and blogs in a collaborative environment.

The Congregation

So who attends WordCamp?  There are several prototypes that you may encounter such as the ‘over the top’ tech geek that reminds you of a character from the misfits of science or the slick metrosexual advertising exec.  There might be a weekend techy who likes  to tinker with web technology in her spare time.  There was the business woman who depended upon her blog for sales. I chatted with the journalist who is excited not to be bound by print media made herself known.  You also had people who were just entering the blogasphere for personal, social or countless other reasons.  Overall, it was a group of bloggers who were converging to share in a cultural phenomenon known as WordPress.

WordCamp Birmingham Favorite Moment # 5

Though I had attended a few social media meetups, I didn’t consider myself to be part of a movement.  I had just focused on the medium to get the word out.  Hearing from the WordPress founder and an internationally renowned social activist blogger put things into perspective.  The WordPress Community is a family in some respects.  It trusts, supports and nurtures each other.  Though many people are making money from blogging.  Several others are providing services that change lives.

Click here for other favorite moments.

Favorite WordCamp Moment #3

Another favorite moment at WordCamp Birmingham was when a woman found out that we had run out of coffee so she decided to eat a cupcake instead.  Strawberry cupcakes from Urban Standard are da bomb.  Need I say more?  What was your favorite #WCBHM09 moment?

Favorite moments 1 and 2.

Favorite WordCamp Birmingham Moment #2

Favorite WordCamp Birmingham Moment 2:     There was this really neat guy who was in one of our breakout sessions.  At the end of the session,  I asked where he was from.  When he said San Francisco I said, “Oh, so you travel from state to state attending WC’s”.  I started my whole southern hospitality bit of telling about the city, where to go, etc.  He was wonderful.  It wasn’t until Andre mentioned to me that the CEO of WordCamp, Matt Mullenweg, was hanging out with us that I realized who he was.

WordCamp Birmingham

Still recovering from WordCamp Birmingham today.  Despite the fact that most of the presenters were speaking in jargon and techspeak, even in Track I, I had a great time.  Three of my friends dragged me into the blogasphere last year so I thought that WordCamp could help me to continue to improve.  There were several highlights.  I will probably have to put them in several posts as they come to me–I am still shell shocked.

Favorite WordCamp Birmingham moment #1 Enthusiastic bloggers and social media junkies were willing to share information and didn’t seem offended by the blank look on my face.

Re-Engineering Your Career Workshop

Join  Bettina Byrd-Giles in a workshop targeted to individuals who have been laid off, are unemployed or underemployed.  It is based upon a forthcoming book  on non-traditional career paths and steps to finding what you are meant to do with your life.  There is no set fee for the workshop, however, monetary donations based upon your ability or bartering services is requested.  If you have a skill or service that you would like to donate, please contact me directly at thebyrdsnestllc@bellsouth.net.  Types of skills one might barter in exchange for this workshop:  research (literature searches mainly),editing, writing, cooking,music,art, facepainting for pre-schoolers, personal training…

Date:  October 18, 2009     Time: 3 p.m- 4:30 p.m.     Location:  Birmingham International Center   (1728 5th Avenue North, Birmingham, AL  35205)  Fee:  Donation or barter a service worth at least $ 25.00       Register at http://reengineeringyourcareer.eventbrite.com/

Click here for relevant information on career development.

Pennie of Pennedepie

Check out Pennie of Pennedepie.  It is a beautiful tale about a dog that found a home with two Americans who were residing in France.  The author, Susan McWilliams, retired from University administration and assisted her husband with research for a forthcoming book.  Instead of the traditional travelogue, Susan chronicles part her sojourn from the perspective of Pennie.  Pennie even code switches from time to time forgetting that she is addressing mostly English speakers.  Click here for more information.

Pavo magazine highlights Birmingham women

A new electronic magazine in Birmingham is looking at the Magic City from a fresh set of eyes.  The first issue “An Exploration of Birmingham Over Space and Time” highlights several people and spaces.  One section features Birmingham women of note.  Volume I is a timely interview with Cameron Vowel.  See http://www.pavomag.com/story/women-magic-city-volume-1.

African Runner a Hermaphrodite?

A  CBS news article reveals that South African runner, Caster Semenya, is a hermaphrodite.  According to the article, she has no womb nor ovaries.  They also reported that her testosterone level is higher than most women.  This case interested me from the beginning.  It is going to be part of discussions how sex and gender roles are defined.  I look forward to hearing more about Caster’s life prior to her ascent to world champion.

CBS Sunday Morning Shares Orign of Sunday Activities

As usual, CBS Sunday Morning had an interesting array of stories.  I found today’s show to be particularly innovative. The show included story lines in celebration of their 30th anniversary. Instead of a traditional recap of stories from the last 30 years, they focused on topics related to 3o year celebrations and how people spend their Sundays.  They covered subjects ranging from church activities, to football to the Sunday Blues.  Click here for a recap.

I will discuss the “30 Something” segment in another post.

The Bride File

My son decided to redecorate the house again.  He found my bridal file which is an ivory vinyl box with the words “bride file” printed in gold metallic.  He pulled out all the cards that recorded who was invited andtheir gifts.  I was finally making progress with house cleaning only to have him dump everything out on the floor.    As “we” were cleaning up the mess, I began to read the names on some of the note cards.  Many of them were names of loved ones who are no longer with us.  There were also couples who have uncoupled and singles who are now couples.  Sometimes finding memories from 20 years ago really puts life into perspective.

Connected Moms

With communities becoming more and more dispersed, mothers are seeking ways to connect with other moms.  They are not only using traditional means of connecting through local mom groups, they are using on-line sources such as listservs and Yahoo groups.  According to the National Association for Mothers’ Centers, Facebook is the number one means of connecting moms.   How do you connect with other moms?

A UVA Alumna’s Student Experience

In “Live from the Hook“, I talk about the fact that I stayed clear of the Rugby Road fraternity and drinking scenes.  I think walking through pools of vomit and waking up to strangers using the urinals on our floor had something to do with it.  I lived in the old dorms where even the women’s bathrooms had urinals, so hung over guys sometimes thought they were on the men’s floor.  Community Building and UVA focused on the UVA student experience beyond the mainstream.  This post continues the conversation.

Creative students and the adminstration provided vehicles for many of us to develop diverse interests and activities that have had lifelong applications.  Student organization leadership is still relevant more than 20 years later including being a floor representative to First Year Council and getting a friend on the ballot for the Judiciary Committee.  The student government seemed to have unlimited funds that they dished out to student organizations.  I don’t remember ever being turned down for funds. Presiding over the Japanese Club and Asian studies committees combined learning the art of  proposal writing,  academics, personal interest. 

The entertainment committees provided diverse events.  There were a million speakers.  I met Spike Lee, Juan Williams, Maya Angelou, the guy who wrote Biko…  The original movie the Manchurian Candidate was featured when it was re-released.  The classic films at the Psyche building across the street from the old dorms were a must see.  Road tripping to the Asian Art Museum in D.C. and viewing all kinds of galactic phenomena at the UVA observatory are still vivid memories. 

And yes, I danced and stood in line for step shows in Newcomb Ballroom and the Student Activities Building (SAB) with the Kappas, Alphas, Deltas and even NSBE.  I will always remember the underground hip hop parties at Faulkner put on by the Sigmas.  These same groups held formals at mansions in Albermarle County and in the mountains near Monticello.

Some experiences cannot be categorized.  Somehow when some of the victims of the Armenian earthquake were flown to Charlottesville, I was indirectly involved through classmates who were in OT school.  My roommate was part of an internship that started the Fridays after five on the downtown mall.  I attended the Virginia Film festival at an independent theater on the downtown mall which showed Spike Lee’s student film.  I witnessed antiapartheid demonstrations.  

So despite the reputation of UVA and its party scene, there were plenty of other things to do.  Oh yeah and the academics were pretty neat too.

Good-Bye Senator Kennedy

I have been sending out messages and polling people as to why Senator Kennedy’s death and funeral are getting so much media attention.  Was it his name?  Was it the legislation that he sponsored?  Was it his length of time in office?  Both my husband and mother were rattling off all of the legislation he sponsored and his benevolence and wondering why in the world I would question the importance of such a person.

I just caught the end of his burial at Arlington National Cemetery.  Someone was reading a letter that he wrote, a confessional of sort of how he lived his life.  I had no idea how his religion truly shaped his policies.  I often tease about the challenges of being a non-Catholic at a Catholic school.  However, the commitment to the poor and disenfranchised will always stay with me.  Ted Kennedy’s ceremony reminds me of the activism that John Carroll instilled in many of us.  We had to commit about 40 hours of service to graduate. I ended up spending 20 hours per week several summers as a volunteer.

Click here to learn more about his legacy.

Chris Brown’s Sentence

Instead of picking up trash from the side of the road or something like that, I hope that Chris Brown’s sentence includes therapy–not a one day two hour seminar–but long-term work to help with issues that stem from his background.  I also hope the sentence includes reaching other young people who may or may not have role models for healthy relationships and behaviors.  He is young and has the chance to reverse a cycle of violence.  

If you are experiencing domestic violence or if you want to volunteer for an organization committed to addressing the issue, the YWCA, has been working tirelessly in our communities.

What’s Up with Low Voter Turnout?

When I was of age to vote, my grandfathers and several elders in the family called to ask when I was registering to vote.  It was a rite of passage.  Though not famous for activism, the elders taught me never to take voting for granted.  It was a right that had been fought for.  It was a privilege that had been short lived.  Our generation was not to take it for granted. 

I usually vote at as soon as the polls open.   For several years, Granddaddy called early in the morning so we could discuss who we were voting for.  Yesterday, I felt guilty for voting for City Council and the School Board after 3:00 p.m.  Yesterday’s results revealed a low voter turnout.  What prevents people from exercising their right to vote?

Click here for election results.

Building Community at UVA

At the 20 year reunion, I had a conversation with someone regarding whether he would have chosen to attend another, smaller undergraduate institution.  We discussed how people who were not rich,  not affiliated with the Greek system, not Protestant or not mainstream American fit into the landscape of UVA.  He had expressed similar issues of marginality that many African American, even the ones who were wealthy and protestant faced. 

Our UVA experiences were five years apart.  I shared with him that in terms of building community and trying to create a small college feel at a sizable institution, UVa pulls out all the stops.  Community building begins with dorm life (now called residence halls) to academic clusters beginning with the first year. Of course there were bumps along the road, but as a student and now with 18 years of university administration under my belt, I think UVA has worked to capture all of its populations.   From first year seminars, to residential colleges, and special houses,  UVA has tried to provide the same college experience for everyone.  Now my perspective may or may not be shared by everyone.  I happened to get involved with efforts to try to improve the experience of the atypical UVA student. 

Many of the characteristics that I listed above may or may not be true of UVA today.  I have to admit that by having a sister that is 15 years younger and attending reunions, I got to see many of the changes that were a direct result of strategies put in place in the late ’80’s.  By the time she graduated, she commented that she thought UVA was a magical place.  Now of course UVA isn’t perfect.

When I return to reunions and listen to the experiences of classmates, I realize I did not participate in many of the mainstream activities.  I really didn’t even participate within the mainstream of my ethnic group.  At the time that I was a student at UVA, it seemed ultraconservative and despite a 60% out of state population, celebrations of the old south were common. I had lived in the south for six years by the time I attended UVA, but I had never seen a slave plantation.  The whole idea of Monticello and living close to and maybe even on top of a slave graveyard was sometimes distracting.   However, I found a niche that continues to influence my life more than 20 years later.

So what makes UVA magical for some of us who don’t participate in the traditional or even stereotypical UVA experiences?  To be continued…

Re-Evaluating Career Goals After Layoffs

I got a call a few weeks ago from a friend who left a message saying, “I am just calling to say hello.”  I immediately knew something was wrong.  Like many of my college friends, we seldom speak during the day and the calls usually take place on the cell phone.  It was a call that I had received on several occassions over the last few months.  Another layoff.  The companies that they had dedicated their lives to let them go.  Some of them are getting outplacement services, some of them aren’t.  Almost all of them are taking the time to re-evaluate what they want to do with their lives. 

The UVa alumni association forwarded a timely post to our LinkedIn group.  A former Lehmen Brothers exec shares his success story on the blog Laid Off and Looking from the Wall Street Journal. I am starting a  Re-engineer Your Career  (RYC) group in Birmingham for the unemployed or underemployed that have been out of college for at least 10 years.  If you are interested, please let me know via email to bbyrdgiles@yahoo.com.

 

UVA Club of Birmingham “Uh’s”

I had the best time at the UVA Club of Birmingham first year send off party.  This year marks the 21st annual send off party at the home of one of our alumni.  For the last 21 years, we have gathered at his home to meet the new class of UVA students representing Birmingham.  Over the years I have attended with different people.  My mom went with me when I was still in college.  My husband accompanied me for a few years and then I started going by myself.  This year, I was accompanied by yet another incarnation of “Uh’s.” 

All of us attended UVA at different times.  I am from Birmingham.  The other “Uh’s” moved to Birmingham for work or as trailing spouses.  We are all in different professions.  We are a an interculturalist, a neuropsychologist, an attorney and a coach.  We are women whose names end with “a.”

The UVA Birmingham “Uh’s” had so much fun that we plan to meet again for Sushi.

Phone Interview Etiquette

Someone forwarded this post to our alumni group on LinkedIn.  Because of budget cuts, more and more companies are conducting phone interviews.  The following blog outlines some of the do’s and don’ts.  See “Don’t Say Hello in a Phone Interview”  at Interview Angel, Inc.

Got Thai? Surin West, Part II

Surin West is not only a great meeting place, it is somewhat of a South Asian and Southeast Asian cultural center.  It attracts staff and patrons from different parts of the world.  The music, the atmosphere, and the food make for an hour long journey to Thailand.  For more on this story, see Surin West Cultural Center.

Surin West, Birmingham, AL

So one of my friends asked, where should we meet for lunch? Why Surin of course.  When I used to say that, unless you lived in Atlanta, there was only one location– Surin West on 11th Avenue South…  For the full post, see  Surin West:  A Staple of Birmingham’s Southside.

Birmingham and Hip Hop

Lately, I have been getting a lot of announcements regarding hip hop music and spoken word events in Birmingham. There are several cafes and night clubs that are hosting events. Malcolm’s Reading Room is holding events. The Birmingham Museum of Art has even gotten into the game. So when one thinks of the Birmingham Hip Hop Scene, what comes to mind?  For the full post, go to the Birmingham Hip Hop Scene.

Eunice Kennedy Shriver

I was inspired by Eunice Kenndey Shriver’s story.  Few people find their life’s passion.  They just live day to day wondering why they are here.  If you can take the time to think about what you would do paid or not, what would it be.  Not everyone sets out to start a massive movement, they just start with an issue that surrounds them everyday.  Sometimes this leads to a care?  What is your life’s passion?

Feeling Nostalgic for Spats Restaurant

On yesterday, I was trying to avoid stores that had “super” or “big” in them.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t find what I needed and was pressed for time, so I decided to pull into the Big K-Mart on Greensprings.  As I approached a certain area of the store, I thought “Man, I miss Spats.”  I never knew what happened to it.  Spats closed and K-Mart moved in.  

Do you remember Spats?  During its heyday, I was under 21 so I truly went there for the food.  I usually had a Shirley Temple or non-alcholic strawberry daiquiri.   It was the place to be for my best friend in high school and me. We usually stopped by Spats after athletic events and even the Debutant’s ball.  No, we weren’t Debs, but we sure did love the theme parties. 

 Eventually, my husband and I started meeting there while we were dating.  I guess it is a sign of age when everywhere you turn, you stop and think, “I remember what used to be there.”  Please share your memories of Spats.

What would the 80’s have been without John Hughes?

Say it isn’t so.  John Hughes can’t be gone.  What would my life have been like without Molly Ringwald and the Brat Pack?  I play the Psychedelic Furs’ Pretty in Pink theme song and other tunes from the movie on a regular basis.   I LOVE Sixteen Candles.  Thank you John Hughes for your contributions to my high school social life, the  ’80’s and to film.  I am going to order John Hughes movies and call my best friend from high school right now.  What are you going to do?

Check out the complete story on Yahoo News.

Too many candidates, so little information

Someone interviewed me recently regarding how I became active in the community.  I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t.  Between my parents’ Greek organizations (Delta Sigma Theta and Kappa Alpha Psi) and the Girl Scouts, I was always involved with something.  I ran for and held offices in school.  I learned how much I enjoyed the behind the scenes work when I was a PAC (political action committee) chair for a candidate at UVA.

I continued to get involved with politics on a local and national scale.  One of the most memorable activities was working with MTV’s Rock the Vote.  In exchange for registering voters, I received free tickets to see U2 and Run DMC at Legion Field.   I passed out Rock the Vote  material, registered voters and saw one of the best concerts of my life.  This happened to be around the same time that  Bill Clinton played the sax on Arsenio Hall.

I got involved with Obamamania despite the fact that I had not planned to vote for Obama.  One of my former students, Chris Mosely, has been a barometer for me.  He is heavily involved in the political process and sent daily emails about Obama.  I will at least listen to candidates he is supporting. When I went to get tickets to see the presidential hopeful,  I ended up volunteering.  His Birmingham volunteer coordinator, Alex whose last name escapes me, was persuasive.  I grilled him about why he was supporting Obama beyond the Harvard connection.

Some Birmngham-Southern students and some of my students at UA convinced me to continue to volunteer for getting out the vote and hosting parties in my home that were part of a campaign change America.   My husband kept giving me updates on primary results.  I finally relented and committed to Obama.

I am excited that Birmingham community organizations are offering opportunities to meet candidates running locally and statewide.   I know several of the candidates, but whether or not I am going to donate money or work on their behalf remains to be seen.   I have been contacted about donating funds to unproven candidates without knowing what their plans are.   Only a few candidates responded to my request for information.  Sheila Smoot sent an email with great information.  Mericka Coleman’s staff sent a video.  Earl Hilliard, Jr. and Iva Williams spoke with me via phone or in person.  I also attended a few events one official and one unofficial regarding Congressman Artur Davis’ run for Governor.

I realize people have to raise money, but can you give a sista some information before you ask for a donation?  Am I wrong?  Who are you supporting and why?  If you are a candidate, why should I support you?

I am Bettina Byrd-Giles and I approve this message.

Keeping in touch with the Uh’s

I find it interesting that three of the closet friends that I made in college and I all have names ending in “a”. I used to refer to our group as the “Uh” club since the “a” is pronounced, “uh”  as in banana (bə-nān’ə) .  After meeting orientation week in 1985, we have remained in touch for 24 years. There are two friends in particular that I see on a regular basis.

When I received an inquiry from a national woman’s magazine asking for examples of ways that women maintain relationships with college friends, I immediately sent an account of how the “a” club kept in touch. 

After graduation , we attempted to see each other on an annual or bi-annual basis. Despite the distance, we managed to remain in touch.  One of us lived in New York City most of her career.  The other was in grad school in California before moving to central New York .  I have lived in Birmingham for 20 years.  Here is a copy of what I sent to the magazine. 

1) S and I attended our Black Alumni Reunion on a bi-annual basis for a number of years. We also met in Charlottesvill for our 5 & 10 year class reunions. S, D, and I roomed together for our 15 year reunion. We were also joined by another friend “C” who lived in our dorm. Hopefully, we will all meet this summer for the 20th. All of us are in our 40’s with children under 5 so it should be interesting. C has older children and a child under 5.
2) S and/or D and I used to try to meet in Atlanta regularly. Usually they were on official business. Atlanta is only a few hours from Birmingham so it was always convenient for me to get to.
3) S & D traveled together from time to time. They would usually send me a post card.
4) Weddings were also a good means of connecting. I was in both of their weddings. S attended mine.
5) Baby showers have been another means of connecting. D attended the Hip Hop shower in Birmingham (see Hip & Funky Baby Showers). S attended D’s and perhaps D attended S’s.
6) Illness has also brought us together. One of us had an illness that lasted several months. The three of us reunited for a weekend of support.
7) D was in charge of a national conference and invited me to speak several years ago.  It was a great excuse to visit and work.
8) S and I met at Disney World with our nearly two year old boys. That was the first time they had met and that we had met each other’s sons.
9) Throughout the years C has also managed to meet us for a day or so. She married first and started having children right away so we didn’t see her often. Due to various circumstances, we have tried to connect more. C & D communicate quite frequently.

We continue to keep in touch via telephone. We are also trying out best to get to the 20 year reunion.   And guess what, I have established another “Uh” club with four friends with names ending in “a.”   I must write about “Uh’s” the next generation.

How do you keep in touch with old friends?

Raising Jordan

Last night an exchange student from Spain was observing my toddler. He was dominating a beach ball and a soccer ball while three other children were attempting to play with them too.  He kept taking the beach ball, which we didn’t own by the way, and running around a partition then throwing the ball from the opposite side.   He also discovered large garbage cans that could be used as hoops.  The Spanish ex-patriate asked for our surname so that he could say that he knew my son when  he was young.  He is convinced he is a rising star.

So how does the dilemma for mom is to continue to encourage his talent, but do I let him dominate and run things when playing with other children?  It took my husband and me to get him to sit down to eat dinner.

So what happens at a career center?

Since I am from the ’80’s generation, meaning I was in high school and college in the ’80’s, most of my college experience was face to face and via LAN lines.  In working with a generation that registers on-line, communicates mainly through electronics or cell phone definetly sets up a barrier between us.  My graduate school experience somewhat coincided with the electronic age, but it is nothing in comparison to now.  So the fact that a person may attend a university and never see parts of it shouldn’t surprise me.

My RA suggested that I take a career course my second semester in college.  It was 2.0 hours so it fit nicely into my schedule.  So what is involved in a career center?  Though people are still associating career centers with finding a job, I thought that I had communicated that it is preparing one for a career.  A job search is the end result, but there are a lot of things that go into finding a job.

I had a conversation yesterday with a young friend about the fact that the UAB career center provided resources and helped me write my personal statement for a Ph.d program.  I had actually found the program, reserched the field I was going into and visited the campus that I was interested in all as a result of the career center.  It is easy to research information on-line, but it sure is great to have the support of a live person who is getting to know you.  There were books, guides and a person to review my materials before I sent them to graduat admissions.

Now I actually never made it to my destination.  In part three of an unpublished book, I talk about selling out for a retirement.  I ended up delaying grad school to invest an additional 2.5 years into the state retirement system and ended up staying about 10.  Anyway, grad school is part of career development, so career centers are equipped to assist in that area as well.

So why do you need a career center when you have faculty, an academic advisor, etc?  In my perfect world, all of these entities  work together.  It doesn’t always happen.  Faculty are well aware of opportunities in their fields and the career track that they took from undergrad to grad school.  You need them for resources, recommendations, etc.  I keep in touch with one faculty member from undergrad and a few from grad school even now.  Your academic advisor makes sure you have met all the criteria for graduation.

All of us are human.  All of us are busy.  Not all adivsors and faculty are well connected to resources on campus.  The amount of courses they are expected to teach or the number of students that they advise may not allow them to get to other parts of campus especially at large institutions.  Some entry level career planners are not well versed yet on all career development materials.

I can only speak for UVA, UAB and Alabama.  They employ great career counselors.  I have had them speak to students in my classes or used their services myself.  However, as I mentioned in a previous post, sometimes you may end up with a person who isn’t knowledgeable, but I would try to meet with someone else.  I had a great relationship at all three institutions with counselors who worked with students in the liberal arts.  I served on panels and advised students at their request.  However, they can only work with someone who is willing to put in the labor that they require.