Network, network, network
Write down the names of all the people you have encountered through work and school. By work, I mean volunteer and paid work. Were there professsors with whom you communicated more than via your papers? How about advisers from student activities?
Find classmates. Many of my students at UAB were local. They still reside in the city so it is easy to find one another. For international and out of state students, the internet has become key to keeping in touch.
In response to former students asking similar questions and advice, I created a Facebook group. The group helps students that have worked with me over the last 18 years keep up with me and each other. They keep me posted on their lives and I keep them posted on mine. When they contact me for references for grad school or jobs, I don’t have to stop and think, “Now, who is Jane Doe?”
What can you do to strengthen your network?
Wine and Sake in Harpersville, AL
Visited a winery in Harpersville, AL which was host to a Japanese festival. The weather was beautiful considering it was in July. Check out http://theinterculturalpost.blogspot.com/2009/07/harpersville-winery-host-to-japanese.html.
African American Women and Heart Disease
I have been spending more time than I would like visiting friends and family in the hospital. Despite my diverse network of friends, all of the patients happen to be African American women. Some of the issues have been related to heart disease. Are you at risk? I don’t mind visiting friends in the hospital. But, I thought it might be helpful to share prevention information.
Visit Women Heart for more information.
Circle of Girlfriends
In college, my three closest friends that I met first year have names ending in “a.” I have developed another “a” foursome. We attend cultural and artistic activities together or we just try to meet for dinner. We even watched the season opener for The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency. On occasion, we include a friend or two whose names don’t end in an “a” but we love them too.
Survival of the Fittest
Tips for those friends who are trying to get motivated to get to the gym:
If you have never been to the gym or you are trying to get back in shape, consider a low impact class. I can’t tell you how many people attend the high impact, high energy classes on their first day at the gym. My friends who attend Turbokick or spin with me tend to get discouraged and never return. I have suggested to the YMCA over the years that they have a rating system for the classes. It seems that most of the teachers teach to the most fit person in the class.
The water aerobics classes are a great start. They work for pregnant women and people with injuries. They are also great for people with larger bodies. When my pregnant body had gotten to the point that my knees started hitting my stomach in spin, I had to switch to water aerobics. It is a great workout. I attend water aerobics during the summer since I have to miss kickboxing to take my son to swimming lessons.
One of the best instructors at the Downtown Y is a woman named Connie. I suggest you look for her name on the schedule. She teaches a variety of classes. She is motivating and works you out really hard. However, she is masterful at teaching to different levels.
Most of the Yoga classes at the gym are what I call, “gym Yoga”. The classes are focused on the physical and not as meditative at the Y. Don’t get me wrong, there are some GREAT teachers at the Y. However, the schedule and the atmosphere are different from when you are practicing at a Yoga studio. Even some of the beginner classes at the Y are challenging for individuals who aren’t already in shape. Make sure you ask for an instructor who is gentle. When I was a Yoga snob, I wouldn’t be caught dead in their classes. Now that I am working through injuries, they are my new best friends.
My advice is to try a variety of classes. Don’t give up. It takes awhile to get into a rhythm.
Also see Life by the Design: The Walk
Birmingham Legends of Basketball Tournament
I had the best time on Friday night at the basketball tournament. Basketball legends from the Birmingham area reunited to raise 
money for Birmingham youth. I had to figure out why watching players from almost 25 years ago was exciting.
President Barack Obama mentions in his book, Dreams of My Father, that his father gave him a basketball when he was young. He believes his love of basketball is directly related to one of the few interactions he had with his dad. My love of basketball also started with my dad and was reinforced by my uncle.
Basketball was one of many sports that my father watched on TV. The TV was always on sports or news at our house. It was hard to believe we didn’t have cable stations like ESPN and CNN in the ’70’s. Dad played tennis, racquetball, handball and golf so basketball, football, soccer, hockey, racing, swimming, ice skating and even bass fishing were sports that we watched. Of course we watched golf and Arthur Ash too. I loved watching Dr. J and Tiny Archibald.
When I visited Alabama in the summers or during the holidays, my Uncle Ray was always practicing, attending basketball camp, or playing in leagues. The trip to the Indian Springs basketball camp down Hwy 31 seemed endless. I can’t remember whether I-65 had been completed at that time.
Eventually we moved to Birmingham. By then, my uncle was in high school. I was in the seventh grade. I guess you can do the math. He is only five years older than me and one year older than my big brother. Basketball games, which were quite frequent, dominated our lives. Everything was planned around Ray’s games.
For some reason, Ramsay v. Holy Family sticks in my mind as the first time I recall seeing a live, regular season game. It was so exciting. My grandmother was out of control. She yelled and screamed above everyone. I mimicked her.
I knew most of the cheers since my cousin Shawn was a cheerleader. Shawn was like my big sister. I used to spend part of my summers following her to cheerleading and majorette practice. She tried her best to prepare me to follow in her footsteps, but it just wasn’t my destiny. I would show support through band and pep squad.
Ramsay v. Woodlawn sticks in my mind too. I had four cousins–the Browns– who went to Woodlawn. I don’t remember the score, but it was a GREAT game.
Within a square mile, there were several basketball stars including my uncle and Tony Greer who played for Homewood. My grandparents’ house was the hang out. Ray’s friends treated me like I was their niece too. They took me everywhere. I rode motorcycles, go-carts and followed them to Holiday skating rink on Soul Night. They were very protective of me.
Eventually I joined my uncle, brother and cousin. I took The Test (entrance exam) and got into Ramsay. My best friend, Dierdre, also got in. Ramsay didn’t have a football team, so we all waited for basketball season. My uncle had graduated, but several of his teammates were still playing. I attended the “B” team and varsity games.
The “B” team included players like Charlie “Pearl” Abrams, Darryl Washington, Ed Gaston, Martinez (his last name escapes me), Sebastian Goldman…We made up all kinds of cheers.
On last Friday, I had the time of my life. It is difficult to articulate how much seeing my uncle, his former teammates and some of the guys that were in school with me together on one court. Basketball in the ’80’s was more than a pastime. It was communal. It was familial.
Artwork by Kurtis Patterson, Ramsay ’80. 
Sunshine Mushroom School…
Two recent encounters and selecting childcare for my son made me think of the educational opportunities I was given as a child. I was investigating the Waldorf tradition and Montessori schools. I wondered what tradition the Sunshine Mushroom School in Manhattan, Kansas practiced. The Sunshine Mushroom school was one of the nursery schools I attended as a child. I LOVED it. I still remember things that we learned and how we learned them. Our days were free and open. We raised chickens, learned to tye dye and panned for gold. We learned math by counting eggs and other items around the house.
I had to leave the Sunshine Mushroom School to enter Kindergarten at Lee the not so (polite nickname) School.
Remembering Michael Jackson
It was the mid-seventies. I thought the night would never come. I was wearing my best dress. It was long with a purple and white pattern. I wanted Michael to notice me. The trip from Novato seemed endless. When were we going to get there? Drive faster!!! We finally arrived at the Circle Star Theater in Northern California. The Jackson 5, who had become the Jacksons, was the featured group. The music and everything else is a blur. I was standing in the aisle screaming, “Michael.” Hey, that Randy is kinda cute too. Wait, I think Michael just winked at me.
Farah Fawcett
Everyday when I woke up, I had to pass Farah Fawcett. When we lived in Spanish Housing at Hamilton Air Force Base, her famous poster was on my brother’s wall. I passed her everyday when I went to the kitchen.
Even when I left home, there was Farah. All of my friends who had brothers had a poster of Farah Faucett.
If you didn’t have a picture of Farah Faucett, you tried to “feather” your hair like her.
When she was married to Lee Majors, we were told that they lived in Novato, California. My mother taught in Novato. We never saw her in person, but we were happy to know she was there.
Rest in Peace
Dazed and confused about social media?
I just read an article on NPR.org about the fact that there are culture clashes in corporations around the country fueled by Generation Y and social media. The article was sent to my email account compliments of the UVA alumni Linkedin group, which I am sharing with you through a blog that will be posted on Facebook. Is the use of social media at working causing issues in your organization? Come on Baby Boomers, a very prominent Baby Boomer, President Barack Obama, is a social media junkie. What’s up with you? Please share your social media generation clashes.
Keep in touch with at least one university contact
I am still writing recommendation letters and giving guidance to students I met several years ago. Even students who have moved across the globe continue to find me. So what makes a student memorable after 20 years? Most of the students I remember participated in campus programs. I also remember students who used to drop by and tell me about their lives.
I met many students because they were referred by an adviser or peer who felt we may have some things in common. Academic interests, personal issues or career exploration may have led them to me. Others were referred because of common histories or interests. Some were students in classes that I taught or they may have worked for me. As an administrator at two universities, I have met thousands of students. However, I remember the ones who contributed of their time and the ones who made an effort to stay in touch.
So what do you do when you find your former professor or adviser? Activities range. I have tea with one of my professors from the ’80’s every couple of years or whenever I am in Virginia. I love when former students send updates. One former grad student sent pictures of her new baby recently. One got married on last Thursday. One is getting married in the next month. Another just sent a copy of a film she produced. Others have decided to go to graduate school and need recommendation letters. Two are in town clerking at law firms. Another has launched his Hip Hop career. With email and Facebook, this is easy to keep in touch in the new millennium.
Scodie Byrd I
Every holiday, I have had to buy one less card. Father’s day is no different. Perhaps it is the fact that I was well into my 30’s before losing any of my grandparents. I lost three in a row. Just like that. When I got to college, I had four living grandparents and two great-grandmothers. Many of my classmates had lost their grandparents earlier in their lives. I was not to feel that type of pain until later in life.
I only bought one grandfather card today. Granddaddy Byrd is no longer with us. Lady Killer, Hall of Famer, Episcopalian, Sigma, and Tuskegean. Many people use the phrase “[Insert your affiliation] ’til the day I die.” I would say that even death did not seperate him from his beloved alma mater and employer.
Grandaddy was born in 1909. He told me when he was growing up, the schools for Blacks in Auburn, AL only went to the eighth grade. He had to move to Tuskegee to be educated. He lived with his cousins. Eventually he attended the Tuskegee Institute. I asked him why he decided to go to ‘Skegee. I recall two responses: 1) When Booker T. Washington came to Macon County to start Tuskegee, his mother met him and was inspired by his vision. 2) “It is obvious that you have never had to pick watermelon in the summertime or you wouldn’t ask me that question.”
When I would take friends to ‘Skegee for football games or just a visit, he would take us on a tour of the buildings that he and his classmates laid brick by brick. I can’t remember the buildings. I thought it was appropriate when my dad and his sister bought bricks to lay on the grounds of Tuskegee in memory of their parents.
He was notorious. People, who attended ‘Skegee while he was in the business office knew him as a harsh man who took no excuses if you didn’t have your money straight. I knew him as a grandfather who loved me unconditionally. Others knew him as a generous man who would give you his last. Others knew him as the life of the party. Others knew him for his looks.
Just in case you have read earlier posts, I have spoken at the funerals of three grandparents and an aunt. I couldn’t think of what to say at Granddaddy’s funeral until I was at the podium. He was a complex human being who loved me dearly. He wrote to me frequently and almost always included a check. As a child, summer trips to Alabama always included a trek to Tuskegee. My maternal and paternal family members LOVED each other. My mother’s parents always made sure I saw him in the summers. He also drove to Birmingham from ‘Skegee to see them.
He was the only person allowed to call me chick. He encouraged me to excel, experiment and to live life to the fullest. I had the pleasure of taking over his care for a short period of time. I was the only close relative living in Alabama so after a decline in his health, we moved him to Birmingham. Eventually he went to live close to my dad in Virginia.
Happy Father’s Day Grandaddy Byrd
Benefits of social media in competing for jobs
Our alumni career network provides a multitude of information. The hot topic at this moment is finding a career in the new economy. The following article from NPR was forwarded by the UVA alumni association via Linkedin. The article illustrates how social media, including blogs in your area of expertise, can set you apart from your competition. My professional blog, The Intercultural Post, has helped potential clients understand what I do. I started the blog your are reading at this moment because of the number of conversations I have had with former students or recent college grads that I meet in need of encouragement. Check the article. You are already participating in the social media buzz by READING THIS BLOG!
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105483848
Lefevre and many other old dorm experiences
Our t-shirts used to say, Lefevre “Hot Nights and Cold Showers” referring to the lack of air conditioning and the fact that the hot water would run out by the time most of us got in the showers in the morning. This experience was shared by many of the people that lived in the Old Dorms at UVA.
On-Line Career Services
Newbies. I think I have gotten reliving my college days out of my system for a moment so I can concentrate on you. I realize that many of you have lived in an age where you can handle most of your life without speaking to anyone on the phone or in person. As a matter of fact, employers and universities are offering communication courses to help transition you from social media to social interaction. I understand your hesitation in visiting an adviser or career center.
O.K. Let’s compromise. Check to see if you have the option of signing up for your on-line career services. Alumni might have this option too. I will be giving a career webinar for my alma mater in the fall. Career centers have podcasts and all kinds of information right at your fingertips. You could “participate” in a seminar, chat with an advisor and complete most of your information on-line.
This will work in the short-term. Eventually you will have to speak to someone when you are interviewing for a job.
This week’s task: Login to your alma mater’s career site. Take a tour of the services.
Live from the Hook
After 20 years, I finally understand the Charlottesville music scene. Live from the Hook explained it all. I know it is hard to believe that I actually attended and graduated from UVA, isn’t it?
As we approached the band party, one of my classmates commented in a sarcastic way, I know we are at UVA again.” I just didn’t realize the truth in her statement. We were back in C’Ville–the Hook. I went to Rugby Road once or twice to hear a band. Since I wasn’t a drinker (Yes – I realize that I am a Wahoo, but I managed to graduate without fully participating in the activities that gave UVA that special nick-name), I generally stayed away from the bars and fraternity houses. At the reunions, it is harder to do. We pay one fee. So for the last 20 years since graduation, I watched my classmates and other Wahoos relive a large segment of the UVA experience that was foreign to me.
Since Dave Matthews Band has put out a new Album, the group has been on the news quite a bit lately. Its rise to stardom was after my time at UVA, but the connection to Charlottesville intrigued me. Low and behold, a screening of “Live from the Hook” was one of the featured events at the summer reunion. To attend, I had to miss the dorm reunion. I thought that my love for music documentaries was more important than reliving my days in the dorm.
The filmmakers, who are graduates of the class of 1984, wanted to document the bands that grew out of Charlottesville. They not only featured the bands, but the venues that nurtured the music. The fraternities and some of the bars were a breeding ground for music that was cutting edge at the time. It was a fusion of blues, rock, reggae.
The music scene began in the late ’60’s as an underground movement. Some of the original bands began to play, “Race Music” which was taboo. I was thinking about the fact that UVA Professor Julian Bond had just lectured on a similar topic earlier that morning. You can check out his podcast entitled, Crossing the Color Line: From Rhythm and Blues to Rock n Roll.
All of my friends know that I am an ’80’s buff. I can dance to just about anything, but the live C’ville sound just wasn’t my thing. However, it grew out of a genre that was new, risque and a manifestation of the changing climate in the country at that time.
The movie features Easters, which was a week long drinking party at UVA. I remember one of my cousins, who attended Davidson, was excited that he wouldn’t have to live on the street during Easters. He was happy that I was enrolling at UVA for reasons very different than my dad. Easters was eliminated, but students found other places to get rid of the stress and rigors of UVA. The music lived on for 40 years and even bred the likes of Dave Matthews Band.
As a result of the film, I will no longer think, “Why in the world does the reunion committee keep booking these bands?” When they advertise Skip Castro and similar bands I will understand the choice in context. My musical taste hasn’t changed, but I understand and respect the choice.
Check out Live from the Hook.
Skip Castro Band
First Year Again: In Search of Clark Hall
I can't believe this. I am already late for the seminar. The traffic on 29 was insane as I approached Charlottesville. Of course there was an accident. I really wanted to get to the seminar. I registered for the reunion, found a great parking spot, ran up the steps from Emmett Street to the street that runs behind Monroe Hill College in record timing. I had been to Clark Hall a million times. I LOVED to study there. My sister worked there when she was in college.
The sidewalk was closed so I tried to use a back entrance. Well, the back entrance was a new addition. I felt like I was first year again. I had a backpack and a schedule trying to figure out where in the world I was going. I shouldn't feel too bad. I kept running into to a guy from the class of '84. We found the guide at the same time. It turns out that he wasn't even in the right building. I had to take an elevator to the 3rd floor and then go down to the 1st floor after finding the secret hallway passed the men's restroom.
Finally, I made it. Oh no. The door is locked. The lecture had been moved to another location...
Make New Friends, but Keep the Old…
I was disappointed that my crew wasn’t attending our 20 year college reunion. By my crew, I am referring to three women that I met during orientation week. We lived in the same dorm association. We have been friends for 24 years. I have attended all four reunions. The crew was only present at one of them.
UVA Reunions are not only for catching up with friends, they include networking and great seminars. I got to know people whose faces looked familiar, but we had never talked. I ended up hanging out with people who were all educators. Several of us had worked in higher ed. My roommate from 3rd and 4th year and one of her former roommates worked in the K-12 system. I left with renewed friendships, new friendships and an expanded network.
The English Beat
I kept getting announcements from the reunion committee regarding the English Beat. Several people seemed to be excited and highly anticipating the group. After dinner was served, the English Beat started playing. They had a nice Ska sound. They sounded familiar. They ended the set with Tenderness. Aah. Now I remember them.
Goin’ Back to C’ville
I was singing, “Goin’ Back to C’ville” to the tune of “Don’t Go Back to Rockville” as I drove down 29 from D.C. to Charlottesville. OMG, Fredericksburg, Ruckersville, Albermarle County. I am almost to Thomas Jefferson’s Academical Village. I am home.
Soggy College Memory
Thinking back to 1985. You know that break you get during dead week when people can make as much noise in the dorms as they want at about 10p? I answered a knock at the door only to be met by a blast of water from a super soaker. Members of a certain fraternity, that will remain nameless, had surrounded the dorm soaking unsuspecting first year women.
Perhaps my college reunion is triggering memories of days gone by.
Alumni membership. Small investment,great benefits
I know that it sounds like something you might do later in life, but joining your alumni association could help you financially. I was talking to my newbie informant this week (for those who have just joined this conversation, I have been hanging out with recent college grads). She and some of her friends are accepting jobs without benefits and insurance. Check out your alumni association. I belonged at various points and times over the last 20 years, but I fully utilized the benefits when I starting consulting. Alumni associations have some benefits and discounts that a benefits office of a major company offers. Insurance is a major discount. Not to mention, you can connect with alumni who are in the position to hire you!
Check out your alumni benefits. It is a minor investment with major benefits.
Should I wear “natural” hair?
This post is from the perspective of an African American woman. By “natural” hair, most of us mean hair that is not relaxed or straightened using heat and metal. It doesn’t usually include weaves or wigs. Perhaps we could have a discussion about other forms of black expression through hair in a future post.
I get questions on a regular basis from young women who are entering the workforce who want to wear their hair “natural”. Their parents tell them, “You must straighten your hair.” I think it depends on the industry you are working for and the type of people you are working for. I have to admit that I waited until I had built my career and reputation before I started wearing my hair nappy. Of course it took me years to find someone to grow out my relaxer and to style it. I wore my hair pulled back most of the time when it was straight.
So I would scope out the place where you are working. Sit outside and watch the other women of color. Banking is usually conservative. Can you wear your hair up or back at work even if it is nappy? One of my friends works for JP Morgan Chase. She was conservative to begin with so it wasn’t hard for her to fit into the environment. However, she wore microbraids pulled back in a bun. My cousin who is in law school was told by her brother and sister in-law attorney couple that she needed to straighten her hair for interviews.
Ask yourself are you in a position to be turned down because of your look. I am at an age where I seek environments where I can be myself instead of trying to fit into a mold. However, I have been out of college for 20 years. I truly believe that people are more accustomed to different hair styles. I get a lot of compliments on my hair from people of various backgrounds.
I think that the confidence and competence that you communicate should be the key. However, if you are seeking employment in a place that is image conscience, decide if you fit the image or do you have to change who you are? Hair is only the tip of the iceberg in those cases.
Still using resources at alma mater
Trying to set up a meeting with the career center during reunions weekend in Charlottesville. They are offering free services to alumni during the recession. I try to touchbase with a career consultant every five years or so anyway. It has only been a year since I connected by phone but I want to see what new tools they are using. I will probably wander through the library, talk to any remaining staff… I plan to catch the workshop they are offering, but I also desire individual attention.
GMA features commencement speeches
What a treat to some of the recent college graduates. Check out these words of wisdom from celebrity commencement speakers. I liked Oprah’s words…something about it being great to have a jet, but it means nothing unless you give back. http://abcnews.go.com/gma.
What in the world are transferable skills?
For most liberal arts majors, for that matter, most college majors do not have a specific job tied to them. Education, nursing, social work and engineering are exceptions. Most majors require creative thinking on the part of recruiters and students. I had a conversation a few weeks ago with someone who majored in anthropology. She was looking for jobs that asked specifically for majors in anthropology in Birmingham. There are jobs, but many of them were looking for Ph.D’s. Therefore, she thought she couldn’t find a job until after she got her Ph.D. I suggested that she focus on seeking positions utilzing the skills she developed such as knowledge of different cultural practices, research, writing and analyzing information.
Think about the skills you developed or the competencies required to successfully complete your upper level courses. List them. Next time you are at a party or discussing your major, think about your list.
I have been researching jobs that would work with my new role as a mom. The following article is of interest to my working mom crowd. It might also relate to those of you seeking work in these tough economic times. The article portrays individuals who have found work that they can do anywhere, anytime at http://www.losangeles-tribune.com/finance/indexb.php.
So jack of all trades, what are you good at?
Many liberal arts majors have to “uncover” their jobs. They aren’t obvious or staring them in the face. The career center might not have recruiters coming to them hiring for the job. For many of us, our degrees were not tied to a specific field. Mine was. However, I decided not to go into traditional international relations work. I took a career class that focused on transferable skills that many liberal arts majors have such as writing, organiding, thinking critically, multitasking, etc. There are scientifically based assessments that many college career centers can give you for free or a small fee. They may also provide links to free assessments on their websites.
The skill inventories might be tied to the Occupational Outlook Handbook or other profession catalogues.
O.K. so the career consultant just doesn’t get you. You made one visit, now you aren’t going back. Let me tell you about my first experience at the career center.
Some person whose face is etched in my memory chastised me for turning in a form a day late. I was so shocked about how she spoke to me–she used words such as spoiled, privileged students–she was obviously grouping me with some other students who she wanted to torture that day. I was in such as state of shock that I froze. All I could do was sit on the floor and cry. Well, the place where I happened to sit was in front of the director’s office who just happened to be a native Alabamian (I was in school in Virginia).
Sometimes you may get a bad advisor. Other times, you might not click with the advisor. Most of the time, my students waited until the last minute and were in a hurry to find a job. They didn’t have time to put the time in required by college career centers. A college career center helps one develop career strategies. Their focus is to educate students and to market the university to employers.
If you are truly having a bad experience, try to contact another consultant and in some cases the director. I always maintained a close relationship with the career centers at my alma mater and the universities where I worked. There was usually that one person who didn’t seem to relate to students and their needs. However, I would say that is not the case with most of them.
Purpose of the Career Center
You probably know by now that I am an interculturalist. No. The career center did not help me identify this career field, it helped me identify interests and strengths. By the time I left the career center, we identified three areas I was to explore in the geographic region I was targeting. Those fields included: International Affairs, Community Affairs and Student Affairs.
As you will see from the bio at http://theinterculturalpost.blogspot.com, I have worked in all three fields. All three prepared me for my life’s work. As liberal arts majors, we are creating a story. You don’t have to commit to your first job or career for the rest of your life.
Stressed out about finding a job after graduation?
The Three Legged Dog
I can’t remember his name. We just thought he was a fun playmate. A three legged dog entertained us as we began our new lives. It had been a long year. The military transferred us to St Louis. We purchased a house got new orders and had to move to California instead. My dad was to be stationed at the Presidio. We were disappointed; we were looking forward to living in our own house. The details in between seem a little fuzzy. I think my mom packed us up and sent us to Chicago while she packed up our apartment.
We moved into a hotel across the street from Hamilton Air Force Base in Novato, CA. We had moved in the middle of the school year. This is not odd for military families. We were prepared to move and serve at will. Although I am not sure how long we were living in the hotel, I don’t think we had planned to have a long term stay. We were waiting for our house on base. Even when the house was ready, the Teamsters were on strike. We ended up moving into an empty house with boxes for furniture.
The family that owned the hotel helped us to make a home away from home. Of course my brother’s creative mind also helped. We found a playmate. He was a dog that was missing a leg. I don’t remember his name, but he entertained us and helped us to prepare for our new home. I missed him when we finally moved into our home.
Rodney Allen Rippy and His Sister
Sometimes when we moved to a new city, there were several weeks or even months between school terms. We would spend a month in Birmingham, AL and/or Chicago with the grandparents. Our mom was usually doing the things that military wives do. She was setting up house, making sure we were in school, registering us for ballet and karate….My brother and I usually roamed the streets checkin’ out the neighborhood. We often made friends who were also new to the base or kids whose friends had moved away so they were looking for new ones.
Being black had its own set of pressures, but add being military brats. It was great to build allies before people started picking on us. People would soon find out that my brother was a skilled martial artist and I was his apprentice. It really wasn’t a good idea to go there with us.
My brother preferred to use humor to help us through our adjustment period. When people asked who we were, my brother would say, “I am Rodney Allen Rippy and this is my sister.” At the time we were living in California. Jack in the Box was really big. As a matter of fact, it was the only fast food restaurant within 20 – 30 minutes of where we lived. Rodney Allen Rippy was the kid in the commercials.
If that didn’t entertain us, we sold autographs while our father was playing on the tennis courts across from our house. We could convince kids that he was Arthur Ash.
The Frugal Bride
For some reason, my brother thinks that I should write about being frugal. To me, most of the things that I do are just common sense. Don’t spend more money than you have. I tend to use cash for everything. I am in no way wealthy, but I have managed to stay out of debt.
I had been dating my husband for five years prior to our wedding. When he asked me to marry him, my parents had already paid for high school and college. I couldn’t bear to ask them to pay for an expensive wedding. Plus, I had no preconceived notions of what my wedding should look like. We decided to get married in the pastor’s study. I was going to wear a suit. Our parents were going to be there, the best man and maid of honor.
Well, of course my grandparents had to attend and then one of my grandfather’s sisters who lived nearby. Well, then we would need to invite my mother’s brothers, my father’s sisters so we moved to the chapel. Then my mother suggested that the rest of my grandfather’s sisters and their children attend.
Well, my husband’s mother had more sisters than my grandfather. We were already reaching more than 100 people, so the chapel wouldn’t hold everyone. My husband’s fraternity brothers and a bunch of friends had been waiting for this moment. My husband had been in a million weddings. Then our mothers invited their colleagues from work. We finally moved everything to the sanctuary.
When we decided to move from the pastor’s study, I changed from wearing a suit to a T-length dress. I had seen a beautiful dress on a woman at a wedding earlier in the year. I found the dress-maker and asked her to make my dress. I found a $ 2500 Couture dress that would only cost $ 2000 if I paid cash for it at one of the major bridal shops in town. I took the picture to the dress-maker, she told me no problem. As the venue grew, so did the dress. I kept calling the dress-maker to make sure the dress was fit for a cathedral.
Well, she was such a pro, that she had already made the dress full length with a train. The dress ended up being even more beautiful than the pictures in the bridal magazine. My father in-law still talked about it until his death. He could still describe the train of bows. The dress-maker used a beautiful lace that included an intricate array of flowers (you really had to be up close to see the detail), but the dress sparkled. She attached crystals and rhinestones in the middle of each bunch o flowers. I ended up only paying $ 300.00 for the dress.
Other savings were due to family and friends. My grandparents bought the cake. Friends of my mom’s put together a beautiful reception which took place at about 3:30 p.m. The photographer cut us a deal in exchange for using our video and photos in advertisements. Other friends put together a party for out of town friends and guests.
The wedding cost a whopping $ 2000. It was still more than I had planned to spend, but it ended up being a beautiful event. I think after 19 years, we still think it was a good decision.
Heavenly Tea in Chinatown
We had already spent a day in the Wine country. We went to as many tastings as possible. I actually found a wine that was sweet enough for me. Of course it was a dessert wine. I didn’t care. I was going to drink it whenever I wanted to.
It had been a perfect trip. As usual, Fred, travel agent extraordinaire had planned a reasonable trip. We were en route to Hawaii. We could save hundreds of dollars by laying over in San Francisco. This would add the opportunity to visit with friends and family on the way. My dad’s youngest sister, his mother and one of my college friends lived in the Bay area.
We decided to go to the Wine country. Since my mother was looking for a tablecloth or something of that nature she asked us to go to Chinatown too. I was looking forward to eating Dim Sam. I also wanted to try a new tea.
The tea shop was quaint. I couldn’t read anything in the shop, nor could I speak the language. All I knew was my love for tea. I was one when we left Asia so I don’t think the love for tea developed back then. My dad used to drink tea before he made the coffee switch. Perhaps it was the visits to Chinatown and the Japan Center. Who knows?
No matter what city I am in, if there is a tea shop, I am there. I love all types of tea. There were some people sitting at the counter sipping tea. I decided to join them. The shop owner brought several teas for us to taste. There was a tea that I will never forget. A few seconds after drinking the tea, there was a sensation like a sweet, flowery burst of perfume in your mouth. I was in heaven.
Eventually, the shop owner wrapped up the tea. He said, “Mr. (Can’t remember the man’s name) would like to thank you for sharing his tea.” The man and his family looked at me and gave me a reverse whatssup. You know when someone kinda leans their head back to say whassup? Theirs was the opposite and quickly bowed their heads. They left with their tea in tow. I was a bit confused. I think instead of sampling tea for sale, I was drinking a tea that a man had purchased and was enjoying it with his family.
Instead of saying, “Don’t you see I am sitting here with my family enjoying tea until you brought your ignorant butt up here and started drinking with us.” He allowed me to save face and just gave me a cup. When I asked to purchase the tea with the powerful aftertaste, I found out that an ounce which is smaller than a box of Bigelow teas from the grocery store was worth about $ 120.00 in the early ‘90’s. Needless to say, I left Chinatown with only the memory of the heavenly tea.
Counting worms can lead to fitness
I had planned to start reading Gwen Ifill’s book tonight but I am exhausted. I was running up and down the steps between Saks and Barnes and Noble at the Summit. My son was counting worms. He then decided to lay down in the middle of the parking lot as it began to rain in protest to getting in the car. I am not sure if I was getting stares of sympathy or looks of disgust. My embarrassment clouds my judgment sometimes.
A Texas Taco State of Mind
This evening, as I walked to my car, I was thinking about the fact that I should be sitting outside somewhere chillin’. The moon is full. The weather is perfect. I was trying to think of where I should go. I really miss Texas Taco & Chili. You have to be a true Southsider and long-term Birminghamian to remember Texas Taco. I pretty much hung out there all the time and on any occasion. I had to have the chips and salsa, two chicken tacos without cheese and a strawberry margarita (non-alcoholic of course). I guess Cantina in the Pepper Place has become somewhat of a surrogate for Texas Taco. It is easy to find parking, they have high chairs and the service is fast. However, I miss walking from my office up 20th street to Texas Taco.
Changing spaces – from executive suite to home office
A year ago this month, I left my regular job to work from home. I began to use the term telecommuting because my family only heard the word “home.” They never heard “working.” I decided to give up going into the office everyday for 18 years to become a consultant and telecommute.
There are pros and cons. I really, really, really miss my staff. I have always had access to secretaries, grad assistants, student assistants and work study students. Becoming a one person shop was challenging. For example, I wasted four hours on the phone with help desks trying to figure out why my software wasn’t loading. In the past, my laptop magically arrived ready to go. However, as a new and older mom, I felt the need to take more time to spend on family. It has really been a privilege. I have had some inquiries over the last year asking how I was able to transition from exec to consultant and telecommuter.
1) Save your money. I always tried to save money and to use cash instead of credit cards so that I could be independent for an extended period of time. Though we desperately need more space for the 2 year old who has taken over our house, we decided not to make any new expenses. We also drive older cars that have been paid off for some time. I have always been frugal so this didn’t start recently.
2) I purchased equipment with each consulting contract that I have had over the years. I had a desktop, laptop, fax, scanner, and printer. So my home office was almost completely functional. I use the term home office loosely. We had to modify our home office to make room for our son, so at this time, my home office is in the guest room.
3) Get out of the house. I started using the library and found a few favorite hot spots such as Lucy’s coffee company and the Urban Standard in my home of Birmingham, AL. I used to covet being in my office with the door closed. However, working from home has made me desire to more contact with the outside world. These spots provide enough noise and welcomed distrations.
4) Network, network, network.
5) Contact your alumni association. My alumni association at UVA connected me to a career transition coach who helped me to identify all of the strengths that I took for granted. She worked for one of the major career development firms, but I paid 1/3 of the price. I also used a UAB career advisor who really helped with my CV and resume.
6) The U.S. Department of Labor has telecommuting resources on-line.
7) I had set up a business several years ago. I do not have a business degree so I paid a consultant to set it up. She used to work with minority and woman owned businesses for a local government agency. The small business center is always an option too.
8) I ended up getting up earlier and working later because I had to run errands for my son and family. Therefore, I sometimes work even more hours than before and usually on the weekends.
I was serving two organizations that were at least an hour away. I only went into their offices for meetings once or twice a month. If you are working for a single company, some of the suggestions below might not be necessary. For example, you might still have access to staff, but I decided to change my status so that I could have the freedom to work with more than one organization. Some organizations have remote offices to use when you are onsite.
This article was pretty interesting. http://education.yahoo.net/degrees/articles/featured_seven_surprising_stay_home_salaries.html
Snow Day
March 1, 2009
Today I felt four again. It was snowing in Birmingham. I know people tell you that children help you relive your childhood, but I had no idea what they were talking about until today. I wanted to show my son how to make snow angels, build a snow man and eat snow ice cream like we did in Kansas. In Boston, my brother entertained me and provided practical assistance by building tunnels from the door to the driveway.
After we dressed our son for the elements, my husband and I threw snowballs and ran around the yard while our son looked at us and laughed. Occasionally he picked up a handful of snow and threw it at us. A single snow day every few years won’t bring back all my childhood memories, but it was nice to feel four again.
P.S. Just in case you haven’t had snow ice cream, get a bowl full of snow, add vanilla flavoring and milk. The last time I had a bowl, we were living in rural Kansas in the early ’70’s, I am not so sure I would eat snow in the city.
Following in His Footsteps?
Do you remember when we were growing up and parents, teachers, friends, strangers on the street, or family were always asking what you wanted to be when you grew up? If you are anything like me, I had an idea of what I found to be interesting, but I could not say definitely what I wanted to do.
Well, actually, that’s not true. My father is a research veterinarian who retired from the U.S. Army. To be more specific, he is a rabies specialist. If there were an emergency, he would have to go to the lab and determine whether or not an animal was infected. Sometimes on the weekend, he would take me on the 30 minute ride to his lab at Fort Baker in Sausalito, CA. We were stationed at the Presidio, but lived at Hamilton Air Force Base in Novato. We would hop in his MG and cruise Highway 101 with the top down. Sometimes the trip took awhile because of the energy crisis. If it were our day to get gas, we would wait in long lines and finally we could get on the open road.
He would open the lab, pick up a slide, look through the microscope, write a few notes and then we would get something to eat at the Officer’s Club or go to the golf course. If my brother were with us, we would go outside and throw rocks into the ocean and pick up shells. I immediately thought, man, that’s what I want to do.
When I was in the 11thgrade, we went to my father’s hometown and alma mater–the historic Tuskegee Institute. He was so proud. His daughter was following in his footsteps. We were given a personal tour of the Vet school by the Dean who was one of his classmates. When we got to the barn, my father reminded me of stories I had heard as a child. He was telling stories about how he and Uncle Jerry lived above the barn and what a great time they had. Something dealing with jazz, parties and that kinda thing.
Before he could complete his sentence, I was overwhelmed by the heat and the huge flies. It was in the middle of the summer and extremely hot. Though I had been living in Alabama for four years by then, I had not acclimated to the summer heat. I had been to a farm in Kansas with our neighbors several times, but I just don’t remember the flies. I asked if I had to deal with them if I attended Vet school. An expression appeared on my father’s face that I had never seen before. He stopped talking and we quickly ended the tour.
I had overheard him talking about Vet school all the time. He would say things like “Vet School is rigorous due to the fact that you had to learn about so many different anatomies and systems.” Somehow these stories did not include–you work around the smell of cow dung and abnormally large flies. It did not occur to me that this was not going to be done in an air conditioned environment either. He explained that he had to learn to work directly with animals before working in the lab. He was also at a rank in which his staff took care of the prep work so I was only seeing the end result of the process.
My father didn’t talk about that day again until after I had finished graduate school—not in Veterinary Medicine by the way. We talked about it when we were at a Vet Conference and my dad’s 30 year reunion. Uncle Jerry’s youngest daughter was completing her degree at the ‘Skegee Vet school. One of his classmates asked was I a vet. I guess you can imagine my father’s reaction. He had been holding in his feelings for 15 years. I heard his interpretation of that fateful day at the barn. Now don’t get me wrong, my father is proud of all of my accomplishments, but I guess everyone would like to have a child follow in his or her footsteps.
Dreams of Turbo
I don’t want to wake up. I am having the most wonderful dream. I am dreaming of a time when I was in my 20’s and I used to frequent local night spots. R&B, Hip Hop,Rock, Hard Rock, Acid Rock, New Wave, Cross-over country, Club Mixes, Electro Mixes, and Dance. I remember dancing the night away. I even went line dancing on occassion with my friend Shira at a club in Village East. Suddenly I hear a shrilling voice screaming “lower!!!!” Oh my God, I am not dreaming, I am having an out of body experience in the middle of Turbo Extreme ! Tina, our instructor, is out of control.
Turbo Kick is a mix of dance and martial arts. It is a choreographed, high energy class that lasts for an hour. It combines cardio, strength, and body sculpting. The moves are designed to target several areas of the body at once. Turbo Extreme lasts 75 mintues. It functions like a bootcamp. You have to see it to believe it.
Tina Marxen is one of the best instructors in the country. She is energetic and a model of fitness. She has three kids, a husband and a full time job.
For more information about Turbo Kick, visit http://turbokick.com
See http://ymcabham.org for classes at the Birmingham Metro YMCA locations.
A Hip & Funky Baby Shower
When James and I walked into Harambee Room in Birmingham, AL, I immediately forgot about the seven months of morning sickness and migraines. We discovered a beautifully decorated, aromatic, lively Hip Hop Baby Shower Happy Hour in our honor.
To give you background information, you must understand that I am a mix between Max from “Living Single” and Miranda from “Sex and the City.” Although I married at 22, I delayed child birth for 16 years. At 38, I found out that I was having a baby. It was a shock. However, the news was so exciting to friends and family that they started planning celebrations immediately.
A group of friends created a host committee of about 10 or 12, chaired by my sister in Hip Hop–Daagye. You know that friend that you call when the songs from the ‘80’s come on the radio or watch the Hip Hop Honors together, but you are at your house and she is at hers? Friends that spanned 30 years and people I had only known a few years flew in town from Virginia, New York, Minnesota and D.C on a Friday night. If I had not been pregnant and if there had not been gifts, I would have sworn that I was at a hip spot where urban professionals met for First Fridays —but even better.
The menu consisted of a fusion of foods from around the world prepared by Chef Johnetta Jarmon (cafeforumcatering@hotmail.com.) We ate West African, Thai, Indian and Southern. The meal was topped off with a rich lemon cake for dessert.
And of course there was dancing. I danced for two hours. One might not believe this story had the crew not hired a professional photographer to take pictures and to project them as we partied to Dougie Fresh and Salt-n-Pepa. The Hip Hop Shower which was almost three years ago has become a legend. 
The World of E.W.– Octogenarian and Femme Fatal
E.W.’s World
December 22, 2004
How does one describe a five foot giant? A female mighty mouse who was always around to save the day (sing the Might Mouse theme). She was a femme fatal who would be glad to take you out if you crossed her or threatened one of her loved ones…an Octogenarian who could outwork most 20 somethings…a woman whose famous Friday night fish fries drew crowds from near and far.
Having a fashion crisis or were unaware you were having one until after she told you? Need an accessory such as a purse, earrings or pin that would go just right with your outfit? Call E.W., fashion extraordinaire. Need it by color or style? It is meticulously labeled and categorized.
Having trouble understanding what the heck your doctor’s instructions were?
Dr. W would be happy to take you to her mini medical library to find the answer.
Not quite sure why your cake didn’t come out right? Not sure which side dish to serve with your entree? Call Chef W.
Ever need unsolicited advice about how you are raising your children or the direction of your life, or even the state of the economy? Call Ms. W, on second thought, she would probably call you.
Homeless, hungry, having a bad day at work? School just isn’t working out very well? Sick? Just lost your best friend and need sympathy? Call Ms. W.
Aren’t sure of the year a major event happened, the name of the second cousin, of your dad’s mom’s mom? Need a picture from 1948 or 1984 and need it within the hour? Call Archivist W.
If you watch “Star Trek the Next Generation” and were unsure what is was like to be in a parallel universe, Ms. W will take you on a trip. I was coming home from college for the first time. It was Thanksgiving 1985. After an arduous journey from Charlottesville to Pittsburg to Atlanta on a propelled aircraft, I finally made it home. All I could think about was the turkey and dressing awaiting me at Chez W’s. As usual, the table and food were the epitome of perfection. Dinner proceeded. We ate ham and all the sides while the turkey remained intact. I looked at my mom and uncles. They gave me the “don’t look at me” glance. Despite the fact that I learned in the 7th grade (a story I will have to save for another day) that “why” was an unacceptable question to ask my grandmother, I felt it was worth the risk.
She tells me that the turkey was the centerpiece and that we weren’t eating it. My heart started beating really quickly. I had to figure out how to get out of this “Martha Stewart” parallel universe and get home. As my grandmother went to the back room, my ally, Granddaddy, got out the electric knife and brought us all back to reality. I am not sure at what point she began to speak to us again, but the center piece was artificial from that day forward.
No matter how sick she was or how far away you lived, if you had a special event, Mother W, was always there.
I hope I have given you a glimpse into E.W. World. I know we are limited on time, but I hope you will permit me to recite her favorite table blessing, “Jesus wept”
“W,” we love you and you will be missed.
Farewell to an aunt and mentor
May 12, 1999
Dear Aunt P,
I thought it only appropriate to address you by letter today considering that exchanging letters was our most common form of communication. As a child, I remember the letters and gifts that you sent to me. Friends bragged about the knitted socks that their aunts sent to them, I would reply, “well my aunt sent me bangles from the artisans of India. Did you know that you won’t find another set like them anywhere?” Gifts were always attached with letters describing your latest escapades and adventures. I also remember my mother purchasing in bulk, copies of the issue of Essence Magazine in which you wrote a piece on Mali. Once again I had bragging rights amongst my friends.
As I grew older, and closer to making college decisions, like my brother, you sent a Barons Guide to colleges so that I could start making decisions about my future. While in New York, many of your friends had sent their children to UVA. Since Daddy was stationed Virginia, you insisted that it be on the top of my list. “It was the best school for the money,” you said. You were so excited when I was accepted. The summer before my departure to Charlottesville was the first time in several years that we had seen each other. We spent three or four days in Tuskegee discussing family history and visiting with cousins in Auburn.
Those initial years at UVA were rather difficult as I tried to convince myself that I wanted to be an engineer. Though I spent all of my free time at the International House and meeting people from other countries, I did not realize that I would eventually turn my interests into a major and a way of life. I even used your career as a defense when I announced to daddy that I was changing my major. I had no idea that my life would begin to somewhat parallel yours. Though you were often several thousands of miles away, physical distance never prevented you from having a pulse on what was taking place in my life.
I remember seeing you for the fourth time after you discovered that you had Schleroderma. I attempted to visit with you on Memorial Day of that year, but you had taken a trip with a friend. Later that year we met for brunch at the D.C. Hilton. You gave me beautiful jewelry, books and statues of fertility goddesses that haven’t worked yet. By then the telephone became a more common medium of communication for us. However, I never knew where to call because you were always on the move. Since I could rarely catch up with you, my father would give me progress reports.
When daddy called to tell me that you had been admitted to the hospital a few months ago, he sounded differently than I have ever heard him. Without thinking, I hopped on a plane. I hadn’t been able to sleep the night before, nor on the plane. When my cousin Cedric picked me up from the airport, he could tell that I was very upset. When I walked into the hospital room, you said, “What are you doing here?” From that moment, I knew that everything was going to be all right. I had made the right decision. My visit with you in the hospital was very spiritual. I spent more time with you in those five days than ever in my life. I am so glad that we had the opportunity to discuss our interests, your books my work, family history. I’m glad I got the chance to meet your friends.
I woke up 5 or 10 minutes shortly before my father called at 5:30 a.m. to tell me that you had passed. I wasn’t sure how to react. I decided that day that I would press on. I had to give a radio interview about a cross-cultural project that I had been working on. I ate Chinese food and went back to work.
Since I wasn’t prepared to join the rest of the family in D.C., I tried to think of ways to mourn and to honor your life. I noticed an advertisement in a local entertainment weekly. The Alabama Arts Alliance was offering a symposium on Zora Neale Hurston. It featured Ms. Hurston’s niece who had taken an interest in her Aunt Zora as a child. She became interested in and began studying her aunt through her writings. Just a few days before the symposium, I asked “A” to reserve your materials for me.
As the discussion continued, I began to learn of the similarities between my aunt and Zora Neale Hurston. Ms. Hurston’s family originates from Nogasulga, AL, just 6 miles from Tuskegee. She attended Howard and Columbia Universities. The education system in Eatonville was patterned after Tuskegee. Both communities were atypical of the racially divided south.
Zora Neale Hurston was a woman unlike most of the women of her time. Through her depictions of main characters who were strong, independent and of color, she brought attention to a gender and race of people who had been previously ignored. As an anthropologist and writer, she traveled the south “unescorted” and in a car she owned. She even wore pants in public!
Throughout the symposium, I was reminded of you. Zora Neale Hurston traveled the south and the Caribbean –you traveled the globe. You ventured to sometimes politically unstable nations. Through your writings, you transcended time and brought about a consciousness of social issues and information unknown to the masses.
As I think about you, and speak on behalf of the family, I feel I have been blessed. I have been left with a legacy that I have not yet fully realized, but am learning more and more each day.
Your Niece.
Grandmother’s closet
I couldn’t find a purse to match my outfit last night. The purse that kinda sorta blended has started unraveling. Times like these really make me miss my maternal grandmother “W.” We were quite different women–not just from a generational perspective, but interests, habits, abilities, woman’s role, role of the wife… Her perfectionism was quite evident in all aspects of her life. She would throw away an entire pound cake if it were the least bit dry—not that any of us could tell. They called her Amy Vanderbilt. Everyone contacted her to ask etiquette questions. When I was preparing to dress up for a formal or cocktail party, all our differences were put aside.
My grandmother altered my dresses until I was 30. If I were attending an after 5 event, it was an unwritten rule that I that I had to stop by her house so that we could discuss accessories. You see, I was representing her. I had to be dressed appropriately. Anyway, she seemed to have a lot of accessories. But her room and closets were never junkie. Each visit was a new discovery of jewelry boxes, chests and places that housed her collections. She would always check to see if she had something that matched perfectly. If not, we thought of potential pieces that I owned or jewelry that my paternal grandmother “A” had sent to me.
Once the jewelry had been selected, we moved to purses. We conveniently bought purses that we could loan to one another as long as we weren’t going to the same event.
Like my maternal grandmother, my dad’s mom “A” was a femme fatal. Last night, I wore “A’s” Jane Justin Don Sophisticates black feau fur coat. It is part of an ensemble that includes a sleeveless dress. The last place she must have worn it was the Martinique in Cheeeeeecaago (In the voice of Ebony Fashion Fair commentator Shayla). “A’s” beautifully hand stitched gloves and a matchbook displaying the Martinique’s logo were still in the pockets. I wonder what event she had attended while wearing this outfit? My Aunt J encouraged me to shop in “A’s” closet before I flew back to Alabama after “A’s” funeral. I immediately fell in love with the ensemble.
Until writing this post, I didn’t consider the fact that my grandmothers influenced my style. When people are trendy or experimental with their dress, I usually wear something black and classic. The closest that I get to getting out of the box is mixing pearls and rhinestones. “A” was a lot less conservative than “W,” but there were certain essential pieces to one’s ensemble that were themes in both of their closets.
The realization that a generation is leaving us is unsettling. I wonder how my grandmothers felt when they became the oldest. I had two living great grandmothers through high school, one through graduate school and all of my grandmothers, grandfathers and their siblings. My parents, most of their syblings, their aunts and uncles are still among us so I am not yet the oldest, but I am thinking about the fact that I am moving up the ladder. Both my grandmothers died a year apart when I was in my mid-thirties. I feel their spirits frequently–especially occassions like last night.
Links:
The Martinique Chicagohttp://www.martiniquebanquets.com/
Ebony Fashion Fair History http://www.ebonyfashionfair.com/assembled/history.html
Premenopause & Natural Health
What in the world is perimenopause and why was it something that concerned me? When I was 35, I started seeing a doctor who specialized in natural health and women’s health. She took blood tests to check for the usual suspects and to see if my hormone levels had begun to drop. I knew something was going on. I had always had very painful and lengthy periods. They had become eradic. I was also developing premenstrual symptoms that I had never had before.
My doctor gave me a book called, What Your Doctor Did Not Tell You About Premenopause . Watch out sisters. Once I started following a strictly organic diet, started using the hormone cream, and following other suggestions from the book, I got pregnant three years later. Of course by then I had been married for 16 years.
The book explained that the symptoms that women experience in menopause are treatable and we should start becoming proactive in managing our health. I remember basic things like drinking more water, taking probiotics, using the hormone cream nightly, reducing caffeine intake and basics like that. The organic diet was pretty easy to follow. At one point and time, I hired a personal chef for a month. She worked with me for about a month. She attempted to show me all the places to shop and food prep.
I felt younger and more energetic than in my 20’s. Of course I had built up to 3 days of cardio and 3 days of strength training. I believe the dietary changes helped with that process.
I recommend this article for a quick read http://www.menopausetohealth.com/Pre-Menopause-Symptoms.html
I really liked this book http://www.amazon.com/What-Your-Doctor-About-Premenopause/dp/0446673803
executive mom
I had my son at 38. While on maternity leave, I pursued an executive position which is what I had worked for for all these years. Despite taking 3 months off, I still felt that I needed to get the hang of this mommy thing. I was still nursing my son so I was pumping, storing and nursing as soon as I got home.
Breastfeeding definitely helps to develop a bond with your child. However, that was the only quality time we were spending together. I was 50 miles from my child who was home with my mother. I was exhausted. After a few months in my new position, I cried to another friend who was a Chief HR officer that I just didn’t want to do it anymore. An experienced mother who worked with me told me that my hormones were still fluctuating.
I had to make a very difficult decision. I had an opportunity to take another full-time position, but I decided to use my experience to consult. I wanted the flexibility to work from home to take care of myself and to reconnect with my son.
I have four friends who are in their 40’s, in high power positions, who all nursed who are still balancing long workdays and motherhood. One still commutes an hour. It can be done! However, I just didn’t want it to be me. This year has been wonderful. I think I am ready to get back out there.
Fitness on a Busy Schedule
Have you been wondering how in the world I am going to fit exercise into an already busy schedule? In a former life, I was a gym rat with a schedule that many of my friends used to request and follow. I had three days of cardio and three days of strength training. How does one who works 40 or more hours a week accomplish this? I had to make it a priority. As I was getting closer to 40, I wanted to turn back the hands of time.
I must confess, I really don’t enjoy working out. I actually dread it. I have to mask it. Here are a few tips that I shared with friends over the years.
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Choose a gym with multiple locations and a variety of classes.
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Develop a workout schedule and add it to your Outlook calendar.
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Choose classes that make you feel good. I love to dance, so I usually choose classes with great music and a dance-like theme. Crunk Fitness is my favorite class (See www.crunkfitness.com). I also like Tae Bo and Turbokick. I usually attend a low or no impact class such as spin as well. It took awhile to experiment with different instructors and their musical tastes.
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Choose a lunch time Yoga class to energize you for the rest of the day and to leave evenings for family or whatever else came up. Wear a black Yoga top under your blouse and a wrap around skirt that allows for quick wardrobe changes. This doesn’t work with hot yoga which would require a shower.
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Make friends with a 20 something. I had a friend who was a tri-athlete. She would run or whatever she wanted to do. I usually met her in time for her cool down which was actually my cardio. She introduced me to several different forms of exercise.
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When you build up the strength and stamina, consider hiking trails. Birmingham, AL is hilly so it is easy to find places to hike. If I couldn’t hike, I just walked from my office to Vulcan which is a huge hill. For a short scenic hike, I prefer Ruffner Mountain. For more challenging hikes, I go to Oak Mountain. My 20 something friend usually knew the trails well so I just followed, but eventually I learned how to follow one on my own.
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Make your workout a priority. Since I was not athletic growing up, my intense gym experience didn’t start until my 30’s. I did not like and still do not like showering and dressing at the gym. However, my workplace, gym and after hours activities were usually in close proximity. I usually had to make sure that my gym bag was equipped with all my needs and stomach the hair in the drains. It gets easier over time.
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If you have specific goals, consider a personal trainer. Nichele Hoskins is GREAT.
Mom Tip: Select a gym that provides childcare. Many of my friends think that I am too liberal on this issue. However, the gym that I belong to hires people who seem to have experience. My son LOVES the playroom. Before he started daycare, it was his only opportunity to interact with other children.
African American Woman Tip: Even when I had a relaxer, I wore my hair pulled back most of the time. I have been natural for about five or six years. It makes life a lot easier on a number of levels. Some of my friends wear braids which seem to work for them.
Welcome to my world
Welcome to the initial post of Lessons from an 80’s Alumna. Join me and other alumnae who were in high school and/or college in the ‘80’s in a conversation about our lives. The purpose of this blog is to share insights about the personal and professional issues of women in their 30’s and 40’s. Although many of the posts will be based on conversations among girlfriends, I will also share material from life as a leadership development consultant for almost 20 years.
The focus is on specific age ranges and women; however, I have protégés who are 20 somethings. They have many questions and often see their future through our lives. They are invited to subscribe.
You know you are an alumna of 1980- if…
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You wore leg warmers even though you had never stepped foot in a dance class.
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You have two Prince 1999 albums—one from when he was strictly R&B and the rereleased album that included a poster for his crossover to the pop charts.
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You had a poster of Leif Garrett
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You loved the Sylvers, the Osmonds, and the Jackson 5 when you were about 7.
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You are vested in a retirement system or thinking about retirement.
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Any thoughts of childbearing involve terms such as high risk or advanced maternal age.
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Your cycle is starting to fluctuate.
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If you didn’t already wear glasses, you suddenly need them.
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You would like a permanent relationship, but you really like living by yourself.
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You love Hip Hop and Glam Rock.
If you answered yes to any of these questions, please join me for future posts regarding life, love, career and more.
Lessons from an 80's Alumna 